Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Playing with Grandma’s twat,
Put in a pinky,
Pulled out a stinky,
And said, “My it’s beginning to rot”.
Author: admin
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What’s Bill’s fondest wish now?A: That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger.
Wife Problems
An angry husband was complaining to his friend about his slovenly wife.
“She never does any housework, I never get a cooked meal, everything’s dirty, including her. I’m so fed up I sleep on my own and I wish she was dead.”
The friend suggested that he try killing her with sex. It wasn’t an offense, after all. So the man returned home, dragged his wife upstairs and kept her there the whole weekend. By the time Monday morning came he could hardly drag himself to work, but when he came home that night the house was spotless, a steak was cooking and she was standing there with a sexy see-through nightie on.
“You see, darling,” she said. “Treat me right and I’ll treat you right.”
Your Momma
Your momma is soo dumb, she thought Fruit Punch was a gay boxer.
Actual misphrased excerpts from student science exam papers
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
APPLE…
- APPLE (Acronym)
- Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
Yo Moma-The Cyber Way
Yo moma…
…is so stupid she looks behind her before she pushes the backspace key.
…is so stupid she spends six hours looking for the “any” key.
…is so fat she has to send tripple E-mail.
Two african american kids (a
Two african american kids (a boy and a girl) go out trick or treating and
stop at a lady’s house for candy.
Lady: Who are you two supposed to be?
Kids: Hansel and Gretel
Lady: You can’t be Hansel and Gretel, they’re white.
So the kids went home and changed and went back to the lady’s house.
Lady: Now who are you supposed to be?
Kids: Jack and Jill.
Lady: You can’t be Jack and Jill, they’re white.
Then the kids went home to change again but went back to the lady’s house
with nothing on this time.
Lady: What are you supposed to be this time?
Kids: Hershey bars, one with nuts and one without.
Malcolm X Shirt
Your Mama is so fat, that when she wore a Malcolm X T-shirt, a helicopter tried to land on her!
The Birds and the … SPLAT!
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
Cricket
If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have? A bloody big cricket.
Windows 2000
The following are new Windows messages that are under
consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1.Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4.Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5.Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6.Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7.Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8.This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another
game?
9.Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
10.This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log
off.”
11.To “shut down” your system; type “WIN.”
12.BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
13.COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14.CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15.File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17.Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19.WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
20.User Error: Replace user.
21.Windows Virus Scan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
22.Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
23.If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and
all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
24.Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.