Top 20 Children’s Books *Not* recommended by the National Library Assoc.

20. Bob the Germ’s Wonderous Journey Into and Back Out of Your Digestive System.

19. The Little Engine that Could Becomes Intoxicated and Kills Civillians.

18. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s Games of Revenge.

17. Peter Rabbit’s Frisky Adventures.

16. Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The ‘Hood’.

15. Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Master and is Put to Sleep.

14. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad.

13. The Tickling Babysitter

12. Charles Manson Bedtime Stories.

11. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle.

10. Babar Meets the Taxedermist.

9. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear.

8. David Duke’s World of Imagination.

7. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence.

6. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables.

5. Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from your Mom’s Purse.

4. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy.

3. Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will.

2. Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on.

1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead.

En una noche tenebrosa, un

En una noche tenebrosa, un vampiro se hace acompa�ar por su hijo para ense�arle como chupar sangre. Despu�s de atrapar a un incauto, le demuestra como hacerlo:

“�Entendiste como se hace?”

“S�”, responde el vampirillo.

En eso, ven a un borracho orinando y el padre le ordena:

“Ahora, hijo, ve y ch�pale la sangre”.

Cuando el vampiro cree que su hijo lo va a lograr, se queda desconcertado:

“Hijo, ��qu� haces?!”

“Es que me gusta chupar la sangre por el popote”.

Flea Travels

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.”Oscar, what happened to you?”, asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.”I got a ride down here in some guy’s mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off,” wheezed Oscar.”Let me give you a tip, old pal,” said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. “You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?”So you can imagine the flea’s surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar – looking more chilled and miserable than before.”Listen,” said Oscar, “I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off.””And so?” asked the first flea.”And so the next thing I know, I’m on this guy’s mustache again!”

Accountant in Prison

This Enron accountant get put into prison. His cellmate is a much larger, more hardened criminal, who greets him and asks; “Do
you want ot be the husband tonight or would you prefer to be the wife?”

The Enron accountant thinks quickly, and replies, “Since I have a choice, I’d like to be the husband!”

His cellmate grins and says, “Good, get over here and suck your wife’s cock, NOW!”

Never been to a real doctor

This old mountain woman was going to see a real docter for the first time in her life. After the exam , the doctor tells her to go home and come back in two days with a specimen. When she gets home she ask’s her husband what a specimen is. He say’s hell i don’t know, go up the holler and ask ole lady wheeler, she knows somebody who went to a real doctor one time. The wife heads up the holler , then a few hours later comes back with a black eye, busted lip, and using a stick for a cane. The husband said , what happened to you? She said well i stepped up on ole lady wheelers porch and asked her what a specimen was, she told me to go piss in a jar, so i told her to go fart in a jug, and all hell broke loose!