Yours Fun Portal !
An Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.
The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this co-operative
venture is taking place, and that he never expected the English to go
to such trouble to be united to the mainland of Europe.
“Oh that’s nothing,” says the Englishman, “You should have seen the
trouble we had digging the Channel in the first place!”
Un hombre baja en su autom�vil por una carretera de monta�a, sinuosa y escarpada.
Una mujer tambi�n al volante, sube por la misma carretera. Cuando se cruzan, la mujer saca la cabeza por la ventanilla y grita:
“�CERDOOO!”
El hombre saca tambi�n la cabeza por la ventanilla y contesta:
“�PUTAAA!”
Cada uno sigue su camino. Cuando el hombre tuerce en la curva siguiente se encuentra con un cerdo en medio de la carretera; instintivamente, gira el volante para esquivarlo y el coche rueda por la ladera y se estrella en el valle.
�Ah, si los hombres escucharan alguna vez a las mujeres…!
A man is sitting at a bar and sees this beautiful woman on the arm of some drunk. He talks with the bartender and finds out that she is a prostitute.He walks over to her and says ” Is it true that your a prostitute?” She replies “Yeah what can I do for you big boy?” He thinks a second and finally asks her what she charges. She replies “$100 for a hand job.” “Are you crazy?” he responds. She walks the man over to the window, “see that Ferrari out there? I own that car. Trust me you wont leave unsatisfied.” So he takes her to his apartment, gives her the money and they get down to business. The next day he sees her at the bar again. He walks over to her and says, “Last night was great.” “You think that was great,” she replies” wait tell you have one of my blow jobs.” “How much?” the man asks “$500.””What?! Are you on crack?” he yells.She once again take him over to the window “See that building? I own that building. Trust me I give good blow jobs.” So he takes her to his apartment, pays up and gets the best blow job of his life. A couple nights later he sees her at the bar again. He asks her how much he needs to pay to go all the way. She say calmly “$2000” The man totally freaks out “$2,000 for sex?! I am not that desperate.” She pulls him outside, “Look out in the distance, see that island?” The man, in awe answers the question ” yeah…” “Well…” the prostitute starts, “Had I been a woman I would have owned that island too.”
The Reverend Jerry Falafel recently outdid Tinny Windy, from the
television show, “Teletubbies,” because, Falafel pronounced,
“The character is clearly a fount of gayness. He is purple, the
gay color, he has an antenna shaped like a triangle, the gay
symbol, and he carries a purse, something all gay people do.”
Fred Flintstone Evidence: His nickname on the Bedrock bowling
team; “Twinkle-Toes Flintstone.” The show’s theme song ends
“…we’ll have a gay old time!” He wears an orange vest with
little triangles on it. Hangs out with Barney far more than
Wilma.
Bugs Bunny Evidence: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a
hairdresser in one episode. Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to
throw on a top hat and tails and belts out Broadway show-tunes
with his buddy Daffy, who, it is worth noting, has a lisp.
Velum (of Scooby Doo) Evidence: Always tries to sit next to
Daphne in the Mystery Machine. Sports that butch haircut. Has
broad shoulders and wears thick turtleneck sweaters and knee
socks. Never once shagged Shaggy.
Popeye Evidence: Eats lots of salad. Wears a sailor suit, even
though he hasn’t been on a ship in years. Does little sailor
dances. Dates a flat-chested transvestite named Olive Oil. Best
friend named Wimpy.
Batman and Robin Evidence: Robin’s nickname – Boy Wonder.
Batman’s real name is Bruce. Both wear tights. They’re in great
shape. They like to show each other their “grappling hooks.”
Peppermint Patty Evidence: Has a deep, gravely voice. Wears
pants, not dresses like the other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean
game of football. Likes to taunt Charlie Brown. Always hanging
out with that androgynous Marcie. Wears comfortable shoes.
Nickname; Sir.
The Pink Panther Enough said.
Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking
his dick.
One man said, “I sure wish I could do that.”
The other replied,
“You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.”
A man had just moved from his big apartment in NYC, to a big farm way out in
the countryside.
Just days after he moved, he realized he was out of chicken feed, so he went
down to the nearest store. (a good 2-hour drive away). “Can I get me some
chicken feed?’ the man asked. � Yup, but yaw can’t have none unless you can
prove to me you actually guts chickens. Don’t want no one eaten’ it or nothing’
an’ getting’ sick.” the clerk responded. He argued with her a bit, but finally
gave in and took a two-hour drive back and forth once again, this time with the
chicken. “Here’s my chicken. Now get me the chicken feed.” He got his feed and
drove home.
The next day he ran out of dog food for his dog. Once again, he drove down to
the store, foolishly not thinking about bringing his dog. It was the same case.
He had to present his dog to the stubborn clerk. He went back home and retrieved
his dog, and got his dog food. The next day, he went down to the store again,
this time with a shoebox with a lid on it that had a hole in the top. He walked
into the store and said to the clerk “Smell this.”
“That smells like… crap!” she said with a look of surprise on her face.
“Oh… toilet paper.”
“Flight 1234,” the control tower advised, “turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement.””Roger,” the pilot responded, “but we’re at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?””Sir,” the radar man replied, “have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?”
Man who scratch ass should not chew finger nails.
A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby.
For whatever reason, she decided to do it.
When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:
“Don’t you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?”
The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.
The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming.
“What are you so happy about?” asked her mother.
“I totally showed them. Today I didn’t even WEAR underwear!”
Suzie: Oh did you hear we found Bin Laden?
Tony: No?
Suzie: Yeah! We sprinkled Viagra around and he just kinda popped
up!
What do McDonald’s, Bill Clinton, and Monica Lewinsky all have in common?
Fourty year old meat, in between ten year old buns.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Wanda!Wanda who?Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!