yo mamma so stupid that she tripped over the cordless phone
yo mamma so stupid that she thought taco bell was a mexican phone company
yo mamma so stupid that she got banged by a parked car
Author: admin
Yo mama is so lazy
Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
DA Nigga
What do you do if you go into your lounge room and its dark and you see your tv floating
You say DROP IT NIGGA!
Salesman & Child
A salesman is trying to call a client.
The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, “Hello.”
SALESMAN: “Is your mommy there?
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “Yes.”
SALESMAN: “Can I speak with her?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “She’s busy.”
SALESMAN: “Is your daddy there?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “Yes.”
SALESMAN: “Can I speak with him?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “He’s busy.”
SALESMAN: “Is there anyone else there?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “The fire department.”
SALESMAN: “Can I talk to one of them?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “They’re busy.”
SALESMAN: “Is there anybody else there?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “The police department.”
SALESMAN: “Well, can I talk to one of them?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “They’re busy.”
SALESMAN: “Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the
fire department and the police department are all in your
house, and they’re all busy. What are they doing?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “They’re looking for me.”
Wanting a larger…
Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more.
One day Fred went into the mens room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn’t help but notice what an enourmous penis the man had and he said as much. “How did it get so big?” he asked incredulously.
“With magic,” the man replied, “I am a leprechaun.”
Fred was amazed. “Can you make mine that big?”
The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor…to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his pants back up and stood.
“How old are you boy?” the man in green asked as he stood at the door.
“Thirty. Why?”
“You’re thirty years old and you still believe in leprechauns?”
Women’s Advice to Men
-The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
-The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
-If we’re watching football with you–it’s not bonding–it’s the butts.
-If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.
-Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
-Don’t fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.
-Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
-Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
-Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.
-If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.
-The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
-If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?
-Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.
-When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.
-Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life–you’ll never see the ‘island’ coming.
-Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.
-Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
-Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
-Your balding is a good thing–it subsidizes our hair care expenses.
Medicinal Purposes
A nun one night enters a liquor store and asks the keeper of the
shop for some alcohol. “I can’t. It’s just not right. It goes
against my conscience and religious beliefs to sell booze to a
nun.” he says. “But I must have it for medicinal proposes for
the mother superior,” she tells him pleadingly.
“Sister, I just can’t. Don’t ask this of me, please,” he begs.
“I must, it’s our last resort to help the good mother with this
personal problem. A sample of your brew might be the cure.” she
tries to explain.
“And you swear this is for nothing more than medicinal
proposes?” he asks. “I lay to you the promise that is true on
the cross of Christ,” she swears with hand over heart.
“All right, you can have the smallest bottle in the shop.” he
cedes. “That is more than enough, thank you, and god bless.” She
buys the stuff and leaves.
Later that night, after closing shop and heading home through
the park, the keeper runs into the little nun, sloshed out of
her mind on a park bench. “Sister, you lied to me, you swore to
Christ that the booze I sold you would be for medicinal proposes
for mother superior,” he said, hurt and confused.
“I dina ly, it iss for the motfer sup-(hichup)-erior. Maybe
she’ll quit a bitchen and finnally shit (burp) when she sees me.”
Hair Caught
A young boy had just got his driver’s permit and inquired of his father, if
they could discuss the possibility of buying a motorcycle. His father took him
to the study and said to the boy, “I’ll make a deal with you, son. You bring
your grades up from a C to a B-average, study your Bible a little, and get your
hair cut and we’ll talk about the motorcycle.”
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he’d best
settle for the offer, and they agreed.
After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the
motorcycle. Again they went to the study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been
real proud of you. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you’ve
been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class
on Sunday morning. But I’m real disappointed seeing as you haven’t got your hair
cut.”
The young man paused a moment and then said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been
thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Sampson
had long hair, Moses had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, and there’s
even strong argument that Jesus Himself had long hair.”
To which his father replied, “You’re right, son. Did you also notice that they
all WALKED everywhere they went?”
Mans best friend
where do you find a no legged dog?
a.right where you left it
Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, �Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.� �Thanks, says the guy, �It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically.� �Rubbish, you’re having me on,� says the girl. �No, it’s true,� says that guy. �Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on.� The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, �Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on.� �Well, it’s wrong,� says the girl, �I do have panties on.� �Damn,� says the guy, slapping his watch, �it’s an hour fast!�
3 gay guys in a bar
Three gay guys went in to a bar. There was only on stool left.
What do they do?
Flip it over.
Please do not steal, the
Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!