Changing Schools.

A ten year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail.

Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter’s report card. The boy walked in with it unopened, laid it on the dinner table, and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red ‘A’ under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.

“Was it the nuns that did it?” the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said, “No.”

“Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?”
“No.”
“The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?”
“No”, said the son.

“On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I KNEW they meant business!”

A Bet

There was a sick man who made a bet with a full-grown woman.
He tells her, “If I can touch your breats without touching your
clothes, I get a dollar, if I can’t, you get a dollar.” Since
the woman has a buttoned-up shirt, she agrees.
The man squeezes her breasts for a while until he tells her
he’s done.
“But you touched my shirt!” The girl exclaims.
“Okay, you get a dollar.”

Tres changitos se encontraban muy

Tres changitos se encontraban muy aburridos arriba de una palma de coco y entonces uno de ellos dice: “�Ya se, vamos a tirarles cocos a los animales que pasen por abajo!”

Pasa el elefante por debajo y le empiezan a tirar de cocotazos y los changitos con su desmadre all� arriba: “�Jaaa,jajaja! �Elefante pendejo, ni porque est�s bien grande, no nos puedes hacer algo!�jajaaa!�jajajajaa!”

El elefante enojado se va maldiciendo a los changos. Al rato pasa el le�n y lo mismo, a aventarle de cocotazos. “�Jajaja! �jajajaaaa! �puto le�n, no que eres el rey de la selva, a ver s�bete �jajajaaaa!”

El le�n se larga tambi�n refunfu�ando.

Ya se hab�an calmado los changos, cuando ven que ven�a el rinoceronte, y entonces se preparan con los cocos y le empiezan a tirar, y muertos de la risa, “�Jaa!�jajaaajaajaa!�pendejo rinoceronte piel de hojalata, a ver si eres muy resistente! �jajaaajaja!”

El rinoceronte enfurecido se va, pero de repente a unos cuantos metros se da la vuelta y con los ojos rojos y vidriosos, sali�ndole humo de la nariz como toro en brama, se encarrera hacia la palmera y madres, piche palmera parecia de el�stico �chin!�pum!�cuaz!�cataplum! de un lado para otro y los changos aferrados como garrapatas a la vaca �aaaahhh! pero no se cayeron.

Entonces que se vuelve a enfilar el rinoceronte y madres de nuevo a la palmera que rebota de lado a lado �chin! pum! �cuaz! �cataplum! y los changos muertos de miedo pero bien agarrados todav�a; pero el rinoceronte no se da por vencido y va de nuez contra la palmera �chin!�pum!�cuaz!�cataplum! y que sale volando por los aires uno de los changuitos y �puuuffff! da el costalazo. Cuando se levanta, todo traqueteado y sacudi�ndose, se da la vuelta y enfrente ten�a al rinoceronte con cara de los mil demonios y que dice el chango:

“�Je! me baj� porque all� arriba ten�an un pinche desmadre.”

Knock Knock 28

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Brewster!
Brewster who?
Brewsters can wake you up in the morning singing cock-a-doodle doo!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bridget!
Bridget who?
London Bridget, is falling down, falling down…!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Brie!
Brie who?
Brie me my supper!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Brigham!
Brigham who?
Brigham back my sunshine back to me…!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Burns!
Burns who?
Burns me up!

One ugly kid

There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teenage daughters.

The parents decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant, and sure enough, nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child.

“Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered.” Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?!”

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Un locutor de carreras de

Un locutor de carreras de caballos ve un d�a que un curadito se pone arriba de su caseta de transmisi�n. Cuando empieza la carrera el locutor dice:

“Partieron”.

El curadito de arriba le grita:

“�A tu hermana en la cama!”

El anunciador se queda con la vena.

Cuando empieza la segunda carrera, el locutor dice muevamente:

“Partieron”.

De nuevo, el curadito grita:

“�A tu hermana en la cama!”

Ya el locutor, aburrido, piensa en hacer algo para cagarse al curadito. Y cuando empieza la tercera carrera el locutor dice:

“Arrancan”

Y el curadito le grita:

�LOS HUEVONES QUE PARTIERON A TU HERMANA!”

Making condoms

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.

“No, I don’t.”

“Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”

She didn’t crack a smile.

“Oh, well, I tried,” he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I was just envisioning how condoms are made!” the woman responded.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman and calamjo