Yours Fun Portal !
A young Blonde was telling her friend at a cocktail party that she was off men for life.
“They lie, cheat, and they are no good. From now on, when I want sex I’ll use my vibrator.”
“But what if the batteries run out? What will you do?” asked the friend.
“Same as I do with my boyfriend, I’ll fake the orgasm.”
Q: why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
a: because he didn’t want them s******* in the streets during parades.
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch ‘n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
One day timmy and jane were in the woods and timmy oulled his pants down and jane asked “whats that?”
Timmy says “I dont know?”
Then Jane pulls her pants down and timmy asks “whats that?”
She says “I dont know?” so they said Lets find out.
So timmy goes home and asks his dad what that was and his dad replies thats your tricycle when ever u get a chance park it in a girls garage.
Then Jane asks her mom, “whats that?” her mom replies, thats ur garage dont ever let a boy park his tricycle in it.
So they both meet up in the woods and timmy says this is my tricycle and jane says this is my garage.
Later that day jane goes home and she is covered in blood and hr mom says “jane what happened?”
Jane replies dont worry mom this isnt my blood, timmy tried parking his tricycle in my garage so i ripped his back wheels off.
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, “Dad, I
heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What
is a vagina, and what does it look like?”
“Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened
rose.”
“Wow, what does it look like after sex?”
“Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?”
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous
redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out
since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its
socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out
of the air, and hands it back.
“Oh my, I am sooo sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye
back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman
invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for
everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place
for a nightcap…and stay for breakfast the next morning. The
next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible! “You know,”
he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every
guy you meet?” “No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my
eye.”
If you’re ever having a bad day, just imagine that you are one
half of a set of siamese twins, and the other one is gay, but
you have the one ass.
Feel better?
At an out of town bar, a young man was watching a very pretty brunette in a corner booth. After a couple of drinks he got up the nerve to walk over and ask to buy her a drink. To his surprise she invited him to join her.
They have a great time and she invites him to her place after a few more drinks.
When they arrive at her place she says she wants to get comfortable and she leaves the room to change. The young man pulls out a cigerette but can’t find a lighter so he asks the lady if she has one.
She tells him to look in the drawer by the bed. He does and he finds the matches and a picture of a man stuffed into the drawer.
The woman comes out of the bathroom in a slinky teddy and they start to go at it pretty heavy, but the young man starts to get nervous about the picture. So he decides to ask. “Is that a picture of your husband in the drawer?”
” No silly.” she answered, and they started up again.
She rolled over for him to enter her for anal sex, but he is still worried. ” Is it your boyfriend” he asks.
” No silly,” she answered again.
Soon the young man explodes in the woman, rolls over exhausted but still worried.
“Well who the heck is the guy in the picture?” he finally asks in annoyance.
She sits up next to him, takes a match out of the box strikes it across her face and lights a cigerette for him. ” Oh, that was me before the operation.”
There were three woman a redhead,brunette, and a blonde who were going to be shot for committing countless crimes. The redhead was first and was asked “Any last words?” the redhead thought for a moment and yelled out TORNADO!. the guards scrambled inside while the redhead escaped over the wall. The brunette saw this and said FLOOD!. The blonde thought she would try the same thing. And when it was her turn to be shot she yelled FIRE!
Australian Thesaurus of Computer Terminology
Log on – Make the barbie hotter
Log off – Don’t add any more wood
Monitor – Keeping an eye on the barbie
Download – Get the wood off the ute
Hard drive – trip home without any cold tinnies
Floppy Disc – What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Backup – How you get the ute out of the shed
Keyboard – where you hang the ute keys
Windows – What you shut when there’s a dust storm
Screen – What you shut when there are blowies or mozzies about
RAM – How you get the fence post in
Byte – What mozzies do
Bit – What mozzies did
Megabyte – What Townsville mozzies do
Chip – Accompanies fish
Microchip – What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem – What you do to the lawns
Cable – The thing wound around the winch on the front of the ute
Dot Matrix – Old Don Matrix’s wife
Laptop – Where the cat sleeps
Hardware – Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart
Software – Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster
Mouse – What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe – What holds the shed up
Web – What spiders make
Web Site – The shed or under the veranda
Cursor – The old bloke who swears a lot
Search Engine – What you do when the ute won’t go
Yahoo – What you say when the ute does go
Upgrade – A steep hill
Server – The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch
User – The neighbour who keeps borrowing the lawn mower
Network – When you have to repair your fishing net
Internet – Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape – When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
Online – When you get the washing hung out
Offline – When the pegs don’t hold the washing up
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Asia!
Asia who?
Asia you going to let me in then!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Astor!
Astor who?
Astor the ball is over!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I’m sorry I didn’t know you had a cold!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Athena!
Athena who?
Athena flying saucer!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Athens!
Athens who?
Athens I love you!
how do you turn indian meen off?
press the red dot.