What do you call a blond with a brain? A golden retriever.
Author: admin
APPLE…
- APPLE (Acronym)
- Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
Yo mama’s So Ugly
Yo’ mama so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with an
application!
Yo Moma-The Cyber Way
Yo moma…
…is so stupid she looks behind her before she pushes the backspace key.
…is so stupid she spends six hours looking for the “any” key.
…is so fat she has to send tripple E-mail.
The Fight!
Kelly limps into his favorite pub…
My god! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
“I got in a tiff with Riley”, whispered Kelly to the beertender.
“Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said surprised.
“He must have had something in his hand.”
“That he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.”
“Dear Lord. Didn’t you have anything in your hand?”
“Aye, that I did – Mrs. Riley’s right tit.” Kelly said.
“And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!”
The great boy
i was putting it in ……
asked to push…..
for easy i asked oil …..
but he gave me paste ( super glue)
Actual misphrased excerpts from student science exam papers
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
The incredibly dumbAT&T
The incredibly dumbAT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
You Mama’s So Ugly…
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals”
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, “What a treasure!” and her father said, “Yeah! Let’s go bury it!”
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, they didn’t make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, “Damn! Is it Halloween already?”
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled “rape”, they yelled “NO!”
– Yo mama’s so ugly, she’s like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, rice crispies won’t even talk to her.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, she scares people even with the lights out.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said “Thanks for bringing her back.”
Mothers feed their babies with
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.Did Adam ever said to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!” I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.
10 Rejected Holiday Specials
10. “Gallagher Smashes Melons in Bethlehem”
9. “A Creepy, Creepy Christmas with Michael Jackson”
8. Fox TV’s “When Reindeer Attack!”
7. “A Country Holiday with Martha Stewart and a Bunch of Actors Pretending to Be Her Family”
6. “The Grinch Who Nailed Mrs. Claus”
5. “Christmas at Riker’s Island: It’s A Wonderful 10-Years-to-Life”
4. “Bob Dole Remembers the Very First Christmas”
3. “Skunk =91n’ Gator’s Holiday Fiesta”
2. “The President Who Ate Christmas”
1. “Richard Simmons’ Fruitcake Extravaganza”
Witch Story
He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank – all of which he’d lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all.
Suddenly a voice called, “Young man, don’t do that! There is no need to end your life! I’m a witch and I can help you!” “I doubt it,” he said sadly, “I’ve stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I’ll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me.”
“Young man, witches can do anything,” she said. “I’m going to perform a witch miracle. “She said, “ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there’s another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!”
He looked at her in disbelief, “Is this all true?” he asked.
“Of course,” she said, “But to keep it true you must do one thing.”
“Anything!” he said, “Anything!”
“You must take me to a motel and make passionate love to me.”
He stared at her. She was an ugly old crone- as ugly as they could be, dressed in rags. Nevertheless, he agreed to her terms. He took her to a motel and made love to her all night. In the morning, as he was getting dressed and combing his hair in front of the mirror, she lay on the bed watching silently. Finally, she asked, “Sonny, how old are you?”
“I’m thirty-two,” he said.
“Tell me something, then,” she said. “Aren’t you a little too old to believe in witches?”