Running out of toothpaste
getting deodorant in your eyes
getting drunk and trying to chug a lava lamp
poorly done tattoos
gasps of amazement
puking so hard you break blood vessels in your face
white pants or shorts
hats that make your head sweat and itch
cordless phones that randomly hang up on people
heart shaped pancakes
having to reuse snotty tissues
torn shirts
striped ties
loud vaccums that don’t suck at all
the word ‘moustache’
poorly designed furniture
sham celebrations
purple coats
sacrifical lambs
oversized earrings
pink staplers
bras that are impossible to get off
feng shui
rusty spikes in your bed
waking up in your own shit
Sheep stomachs used as hats
Your phone rings and before you get it, it stops.
flutes
creatures that are half man and half fawn who bounce around calling you “Lucy”
pimples on the palms of your hands
having to bathe in dirty water that was used to wash dogs three weeks ago
the sound of your walkman slowing down the tape you’re listening to
dead people whispering at you in the night
burrowing elks who ruin your basement
dreaming that you get shot just before meeting Mike Patton
trying to touch the sky and falling down
barking dogs outside your place that bark all damn day long and then start barking at each other,
then bark at the trees, then cars, then kids, and then each other again.
open houses during the rainy season
hair gel that drips from the ceiling
dirty sinks
being cremated when you were just sleeping
having your mom wake you and you fell asleep nude, surrounded in porno magazines
and pictures of the ‘golden girls’ from tv.
running out of dishes and being forced to finally do them
monkey brain bits in your sandwich
being told that ‘that’s just the way life is’
lilies