Q; Why when your hungry do you not feel like some foods?
…………………………………………………………………..A; Because you are not food your (hopefully) a human.
Author: admin
Bottoms up
A man walks into the bar with his wife. After a few drinks, he goes and uses the pisser. as soon as he wlked in their, a man walked up and said to her,
“man babby you got some nice tits i want tosuck on them”
the women looking horified looked at him and said
“are you talking to me”? The man then said
“man babby you got a nice ass, i want to lick that shit”.
the women says
“my husband is in the bathroom and he is going to kick your ass”.
the man says
“man babby you got a nice pussy i want to tip you over and drink beer from that shit”
The women gets up ready to slap the man. as soon as he sees her husband walking up the man takes off. Her husband asks,
“whats wrong hunny”?
the women replies,
“Youll never believe it, this man just came up and said that he wanted to suck on my titties”
The man looks around and says,
“where is this guy”
The women said,
“thats not all he said he wanted to lick my ass”.
The man rolls up his sleeves and says,
“where is this guy, im going to kick his ass”.
The women said,
Thats not all he said,
“he wanted to tip me over and drink beer from my pussy.
The man looks around rolls down his sleeves and sits down. The women asks,
“Whats worng hunny? Arnt you going to kick his ass”?
The man replies,
“hell no, im not messing with any man that can drink that much beer”
A good nights sleep
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You;ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better.” The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?” “Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.
“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death?A: He came dressed as a two-term president.
Valentine’s Cards
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding
man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies!
Top 12 things you don’t want to hear from tech support
Subject: Top 12 things you don’t want to hear from tech support12. ‘Do you have a sledgehammer or brick handy?’11. ‘… that’s right, not even MacGyver could fix it.’10. ‘So — what are you wearing?’ 9. ‘Bummer Duuuuuuuude’ 8. ‘Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap’n.’7. ‘Press 1 for Support, Press 2 if you’re with 60 Minutes, Press 3 if you’re with the FTC’ 6. ‘We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.’ 5. ‘I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.’ 4. ‘In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.’ 3. ‘ Hold on a second……. Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!’ 2. ‘Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.’ and the number 1 thing you don’t want to hear from tech support… 1. ‘Please hold for Mr. Gates’ attorney.’
Twist and Screw
It was the Spring of 1957 and Bobby went to pick up his date. When he got to the front door, the girl’s father answered and invited him in.”Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he said.”That’s cool,” said Bobby.Carrie’s father asked Bobby what they were planning to do. Bobby replied politely, “We’ll probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.” Carrie’s father responded, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asked Carrie’s Dad to repeat it.”Yeah,” said Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”Bobby’s eyes lit up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.A few minutes later, Carrie came downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announced that she was ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorted his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushed back into the house, slammed the door behind her, and screamed at her father, “Daddy! It’s called ‘The Twist’!”
Virgin
What do you call and afghan virgin?
Never been laid on.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci
Q: How many fat-cat
Q: How many fat-cat factory owners does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. The replacement bulbs have refused to cross the union picket lines.
SIGNS YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM SEMESTER BURNOUT
* You’re so tired, that you now answer the phone, “Hell” instead of Hello.
* Mom calls to ask how you’ve been, and you immediately scream, “Get off my
back, bitch!”
* When your parents inquire about your grades, you sing the Cookie Monster
song: “C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me…”
* You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because
you just don’t care.
* You’ve got so much on your mind, you’ve forgotten how to pee.
* Just to take a break from studying, you actually exit your dormitory when
the nightly fire alarm goes off.
* You sleep more in class than at home.
* You leave for a party and instinctively bring your book bag.
* Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
* You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now!
* Your favorite phrase is “I don’t give a s@#$.”
* The McDonald’s people know you by name and know your order from your late
night study breaks.
* You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% on the final
to pass than the time you have actually spent studying.
* When you start showering after class rather than before.
* The test papers are no longer worthy of the fridge door.
* When the campus drunk tells you that you should study more.
* When your favorite paperweight says “Bud Light.”
* When your absence exceeds your attendance.
* When your study schedule is based on the rationale that you “might” actually
die before the test!
Camel
A baby Camel goes up to its mother and says “Why do we have long eyelashes,” and the mother reply”To stop sand getting in our eyes.”
A few moments later the baby camel comes up to his mother and askes” why do we have long toes” and the mother replys” To stop us from sinking in the sand.”
A few moments later the baby camel walke up to his anyoed mother and say”Why do we have these humps on our back” and the mother replys to store water in them.”
“So we have eyelashed to stop sand from getting in our eyes, long toes to stop us sinking in the sand and humps to store water in, but mum, why are we in London zoo?
How to Stop An Italian From Talking!!!!!!!!!!!
Q) How do you stop an Italian from taking to much?
A) By tying their hands behind their back