Author: admin

Gay Man in the Redneck Bar

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Bruce, a strapping hunk of a man, walks into a redneck bar. He walks over to the bartender and says, “Hey there, gook looking, I’ll have a glass of white wine.”

A bit shocked, the bartender replies, “What are you a homo or something?”

Bruce, unruffled, says, “Actually I prefer the term ‘gay’. And yes I am gay.”

“Look”, the bartender said, “This bar is full of redneck cowboys. They hate gays. If you stay there will be trouble.”

Bruce answerers, “I won’t bother anyone.”

Bartender says, “Ok, but sit over there in the corner and don’t say a word.”

After a while, a large, grizzly man thunders in and proclaims, “I’m so damn thirsty I could lick the sweat from the balls of a Brahma Bull!

“A small voice rings out from the corner of the bar, “MOO, MOO, BUCKEROO”

Un par de maricones est�n

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Un par de maricones est�n tomando el sol en la playa, cuando a lo lejos ven a un tipo como de 1.95 de estatura, abdomen marcado, m�sculos tipo Arnold, ojos color miel y blanca sonrisa que pasea por la orilla de la playa. Los jotos se emocionan y uno de ellos exclama:

“�Ay! �Ya viste a ese cuero, manita? �Me lo voy a ligar, est� como quiere el condenado!”

“�Ay, s� t�! �Y c�mo le vas hacer?”

“T� observa y aprende”, fanfarronea mientras se va corriendo.

Se acerca donde est� el tipo, finge no darse cuenta y choca con �l, pero sale rebotado por la fuerza del grandull�n y chilla:

“�Ay, ay, choqu� con una muralla!”

Con voz aflautada y haciendo un moh�n, el forzudo le responde:

“�Atch! �No soy muralla, soy Mireya!”

Driver’s License

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A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out
of the blue, asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”

The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age.
You’ll learn this as you get older.”

The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”

Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t
talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off
another question, “Mommy, Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded,
“Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t
want to talk about it now.”

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a
friend’s house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about
her and her mother’s conversation. The girlfriend says, “All you
have to do is sneak and look at your mother’s driver’s license.
It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you
everything.”

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again.
The little girl starts off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old
you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”

The mother is very shocked. She asks, “Sweetheart, how do you
know that?”

The little girl shrugs and says, “I just know. And I know how
much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”

“Where did you learn that?”

The little girl says, “I just know. And I know why you and daddy
got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”

Golf, god and the hustler

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A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow
approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays
alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, “Say,
we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?”

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but
agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as
they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he
confesses that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on
suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local
Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and
offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, “No, no. You won fair
and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”

The pro says, “Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

The Priest says, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I’ll marry them for
you.”

Bus Driver

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You are driving a bus. At the first stop 10 people get on the bus. At the
second stop five people get on and two people get off. At the third stop
three people get on and five people get off. At the fourth stop six people
get on and nobody gets off. At the fifth stop everbody gets off. What is
the name of the bus driver?

You are the bus driver.

Out with a Bang

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A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.

He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.”

So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.

When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren…

…and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium!

8 days of gifts

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Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. “Where did you get that?” John asked “I got it last night for Hanukkah,” said Stan. “What’s Hanukkah?” John asked.

“It’s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights.”

“Wow, I wish we got that!” John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, “What’s wrong? Where’s your present from last night?” asks John.

Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, “It was leftovers night.”