Yours Fun Portal !
Seen in the want ads:
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
Feel free to apply, but please only read lines 1, 3, and 5.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.110. Make a sandwich. Don’t eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, “Hey, where is my sandwich!?” Complain loudly that you are hungry.
20) Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ’95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.
16) Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got
Mail.”
15) Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14) Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they’re browsing
www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13) Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12) Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11) Still trying to come up with an “emoticon” that signifies
tail-wagging.
10) Oh, but they WILL… with the introduction of the Microsoft
Opposable Thumb.
9) Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
8) ‘Cause dogs ain’t GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand…
7) Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition
software.
6) SmellYou-SmellMe still in beta test.
5) SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the
question!
4) Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3) annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master’s.leg.
2) Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat
rooms.
… and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don’t Use Computers…
1) Too damn hard to type with paws.
THE DEBATE
CLINTON: Whenever I have a problem involving civil rights, I ask myself what Lincoln would do at a time like this.
DOLE : Mr. President, I knew Abraham Lincoln. He was a friend of mine. And Mr. President, you’re no Abraham Lincoln.
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Q. There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope, what’s the other one doing?
A. Sniffing crack.
Q: Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?
A: Because they dribble all over the court.
yo mamma so hairy she has a forest in her armpits
Extra�ada de que su querub�n regrese tan temprano de la escuela, la mam� de Pepito le interroga:
“�Por qu� llegaste tan temprano de la escuela?”
“Es que fui el �nico que pude contestar una pregunta”.
“�Muy bien, Pepito! �Eres un ni�o tan estudioso! �Y cu�l fue la pregunta?
“�Qui�n le tir� el borrador al Director?”
Est� el partido en su apogeo.
La porra se desrraga en gritos y v�tores:
“�D�nde est� mi pap�? �No s�!”
“�D�nde est� mi mam�? �No s�!”
“�Viva el Orfanato San Jos�!”
WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.
a man got invited 2 a party with a king and queen.the king stood up and said here in front of me i have a pool of crocodiles the man who can make it across successfully can marry my beutiful daughter or have �1 million the party carried on and then suddenely there was a splash there was a man frantically swimming across the pool and made it too the other side the king was gobsmacked,so what shall it be said the king,the man said neither i just want the bastard who pushed me in……