Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Author: admin
Mad Cow Disease
Two cows are grazing in a pasture enjoying their grass. At around noon they decide to lay under a tree, chew their cud, and talk for awhile.The first cow says to the other, “Have you heard about that awful new Mad Cow Disease?”The second cow, chewing her cud says, “Yea, I heard about.”The first cow says, “Well, I’m really worried! I heard that a lot of the cows in the pasture down the road have caught it!”The second cow says, “Yea I heard.”The first cow says, “Well you don’t seem to worried about it!”The second cow says, “I’m Not worried.”Irate now, the first cow says, “how can you just lay there, and not worry about such a horrible Disease!?”The second cow says, “Easy, because I can’t catch it”The first cow says, “And Just What Makes Think That!!!”The second says, “Because you stupid Cow, Can’t you see I’m a Duck!!!”
Este era una viejo, que
Este era una viejo, que estaba con su vieja esposa en el registro civil, para anular su matrimonio. El Sr. Juez le dice:
“�Se quiere divorciar a su edad?”
“�S�!”
“�Pero por qu�?”
“Pasa que mi doctor me dijo que pod�a tener sexo una vez al a�o, sin que esto me implicara ploblemas a mi salud.”
“�Y su esposa no quiere tener sexo con usted?”
Y el viejo enojado le dice:
“�no, lo que ocurre es que esta desgraciada quiere que desperdicie esa noche de sexo con ella!”
Feeling Sorry For Him
Two girls are having coffee when one notices that the other girl seems troubled and asks her, “Is something bugging you? You look anxious.”
“Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market,” she explained.
“Oh, that’s too bad,” the other girl sympathized. “I’m sure you’re feeling sorry for him.”
“Yeah, I am,” she said. “He’ll miss me.”
Le informa el director de
Le informa el director de la escuela al padre de familia:
“Le tengo dos noticias, se�or: una buena y una mala”.
“�Cu�l es la mala noticia, se�or director?”
“Su hijo es maric�n”.
“�Santo cielo! Y la buena noticia, �cu�l es?”
“�Que sus compa�eros ya lo eligieron Reina de la Primavera!”
How do you get 4 blonds to sit on 1 chair…
How do you get 4 blonds to sit on 1 chair ? Turn the chair upside down
Where there’s a will… I
Where there’s a will… I want to be on it.
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was
attracted to him, and during her questions about his life,
she asked him how he had sex. “Tarzan not know sex,” he
replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, “Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I
will show you how to do it properly.”
She took off her clothes and lay down on the
ground. “Here,” she said. “You must put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge
erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the
crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an
eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and
screamed, “What did you do that for?”
“Tarzan check for bees.”
Chain Letter
Dear Sister,
This letter was started by a woman in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented females. Unlike other chain letters,this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy to 5 of your friends who are equally tired and discontented,then bundle up your husband/boyfriend.
Send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.
Do not break the chain.
One woman broke the chain and got her own bastard back.
At this writing a friend of mine has already received 184 men.
They buried her yesterday,but it took 3 undertakers 36 hours to wipe the smile off her face and 3 days to get her legs together to close the coffin.
Have faith!
Liberated woman…
Know It All
It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, Toshiba, entered the fourth grade.The teacher greeted the class and said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.” Who said “Give me Liberty,or give me death?”She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775,” said the boy.”Now,” said the teacher, “who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?”Again, no response except from Toshiba: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”The teacher snapped at the class, “You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do.”As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: “Damned Japanese.””Who said that?” she demanded.Toshiba put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982,” he said.At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba’s classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed, “I’m gonna throw up.”Teacher says “Who said that?”.Again, Toshiba raises his hand and says “George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Well, suck my….”Once again, it’s Toshiba with the answer, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.”
Give up Smoking
A young couple had been married for a couple of months, but the man was always after his wife to quit smoking.
One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.”
She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.”
He replied, “But they stunt your growth.”
She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied he never had.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, “So, what’s your excuse?”
Estaba un negro totalmente perdido
Estaba un negro totalmente perdido en el desierto del Sahara, sin agua, sin comida, sin nada, totalente solo… en eso en uno de sus �ltimos pasos descubre una peque�a l�mpara m�gica. Sorprendido, la frota con gran ansiedad y fe de salvarse.
Se le aparece un genio que le dice:
“A ver, ya que me despertaste te voy a conceder tus tres deseos, pero d�melos todos juntos para ahorrar tiempo. Entonces el negro se queda pensando unos segundos y dice:
“�Ya los tengo� Primero, quiero ser blanco, mi segundo deseo es ver muchos culos, s�, ver muchos culos, y por �ltimo… quiero quitarme la tremenda sed que tengo, as� que quiero que nunca m�s me falte el agua. Listo, esos son mis tres deseos.”
Y entonces le dice el genio:
“�Deseos concedidos!”
Y lo comvierte en un escusado (retrete).