Author: admin

And God Made Man

Posted on by admin

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve called out to God…”Lord, I have a
problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just
not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous
ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll
give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you.
He’ll also need your advice to think properly. He’ll be really good at fighting
and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad
in the sack.”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the
catch, Lord?”
“Yeah, well…. you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”

Nice Hair

Posted on by admin

A blonde decides to get a brunette wig to prove she’s a smart
blonde, so she goes to a cliffside to prove herself.
Pretty soon, a man walks up to the disguised blonde and asks,
“Would you ever jump off a cliff?”
The blonde, knowing that this was not a smart thing to do says,
“No way!” and pulls off her wig and says, “Ha! And I’m a
blonde!” The man left and walked off muttering about seeing
things. Pretty soon, another blonde walks
up to the one with her wig off and asks, “This looks like it
would be fun,” and adds, “Want to jump off with me?” The
smart blonde wanted to save the other blonde from death, so she
said,”Wait! I have a better idea,” The blonde soon
came back with four feathers. “Now we won’t get hurt,” she
explained. The smart blonde added, “don’t worry it’ll be fine.
I’ll go first to prove it!” She jumps off the cliff, and of
course, doesn’t fly.

Looking down at the ‘smart blonde’, the other blonde pulls off a
wig and yells, “Ha! And I’M a BRUNETTE!!”

Safari in Africa

Posted on by admin

A british man, a french man, and an american man are on a safari in africa,
and they are taken prisoner by a savage group of villagers. as they’re being
brought to the village, they are told that death was their only option; however,
they each had their choice of the method they would use to kill themselves. the
british man requested a pistol, and cried out “long lives the queen!” as he blew
his brains out. the two others watched in horror as the savages flayed the man
and made his skin into a canoe. the french man was next, and he requested a
saber. “vive le france” was what he cried out as he disemboweled himself. the
american guy watched again what they did with his body, as they made his skin
into a canoe. the last guy, the american guy requested a fork in which to kill
himself. as soon as it was handed to him, he started stabbing himself violently
as he screamed “so much for your f****** canoe!”