Poetry Contest

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

The Deaf Accountant

There was this man that was an accountant for the mob. He happened to be deaf
and mute. While working for the mob he collected over 500,000 dollars by
stealing from the books.
The mob boss finds out about this and sends two hit men to his house.
Since the accountant was deaf and mute his brother translated what his brother
said.
Hitman 1: Where is the money?
Accountant signs he does not know.
Brother: He said he does not know.
Hitman 2: Tell us where the money is or we will kill your wife and kids, burn
down your house, and castrate you!
Accountant signs fast and furiously that the money is in a safe that is hidden
in the floor board of his closet and gives the combination.
Hitman 1: What did he say?
Brother: You ain’t got the guts to do it!

Man’s Best Friend

A guy comes home from work and as soon as he closes the door he hears his bed squeaking. He walks up the stairs and into the bedroom and finds his wife on top screwing his best friend. In a fit of rage, the guy goes and gets his gun and shoots his wife in the back of her head.

Feeling sudden remorse, he calls the police and tells him what he did. When the police arrive and he explains what happened, the officer asks if he shot his best friend as well.

“No” he replies.

“Did you say anything to him?” the officer asked.

“Yes” he replies.

“Well, what did you say to him?” the officer asked.

“Bad Dog!”