Yours Fun Portal !
A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, “Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!” The doctor asks, “Were you ever a Blonde?”
“Yes, I was.” she replies. “Why do you ask?”
The doctor answers, “because your finger is broken!”
1. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.2. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zig-zag.3. Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?4. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.5. Think “honk” if you’re telepathic.6. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.7. If a person with multiple personalitis theatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?8. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?9. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?10. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?11. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”12. So what’s the speed of dark?13. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?14. How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?15. Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?16. If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?17. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.18. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?19. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?21. Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?22. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?23. Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?24. How come abbreviated is such a long word?25. If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?26. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, “I found out my brother is gay.”
The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guys says, “I found out my other brother is gay.”
The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, “I found out my other brother is gay.”
The bartender says, “Doesn’t anyone like pussy anymore?”
The guy says, “Yeah, my sister.”
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.”You just won’t believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it.””Oh yes dear, what happened ?””I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.””Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?””Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off.”
During her annual checkup, a well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
“Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of you.”
“All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.”
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: “Doctor, I’ve undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?”
“Put them on the chair, on top of mine.”
Q: What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer?
A: A fuckin know-it-all!
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.
The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.
“Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?” says the bartender.
“Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!”
“Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house.”
So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?”
“I told her I’ve had enough and I want a divorce!”
“Good for you! You said the right thing.
So what did you say to your best friend?”
“Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said…
…BAD DOG!”
The grocer complained to his Irish farmer about the eggs he’d received recently.”In every dozen” the grocer said “there’s one or two shells with nothing inside them.” “Is that so?” said the farmer “Well, leave it to me and i’ll look into it for you.” When he returned to the farm, the farmer went to the hen house and glared at the roosting fowl.”Come on” he sternly growled “Admit it, Which one of you is one the pill?”
Knock Knock.
Whos there?
Sexman.
Sexman Who?
Sexman is sexing you!
Q: How many Royalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: That depends on how far up the succession list the lightbulb is. For lightbulbs within 50 (+or-5) of the throne, the total can be approximated by (10 000/n) where n = place in succession list.
by Robert ChenYou should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.2. Don’t go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, “Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?”5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch them and proceed to make this meal yourself.7. After finishing your meal, look at your brand of china. Proceed to look at everyone else’s, regardless of whether they’re finished eating or not. Complain how the school is too cheap to buy some real Wedgewood china. Then dump your dishes and waste food in the trash and explain how it would be cheaper to buy new dishes than to wash the old ones.8. During the meal, start a conversation about the innocence of Jeffrey Dahmer. Then look at everybody’s limbs with a marked amount of interest. Then “involuntarily” drool.9. Stand in line for the food. After getting your food, smear it over your clothes and return to the end of the line. Repeat.10. Complain how cold it is in the dining hall–to every person in the dining hall.
lick it
there was 2 kids who were young and were curious about sex they were best frineds so they decided to try it on eachother.
They got so mny things to mke it good. well he went n his freezer and got the ice pops called lick it.
during sex he used one like a dick and she screamed omg what is that?
he yelled back a lick it.
well the mothere walked in and heard lick it lick it lickit!!!!
she figured it was just them asking for more pops.
she heard lata on lick it harder lck it harder and she thought oh it must me a new kind.