Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but you should’ve seen the line outside the producer’s hotel room.
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Top 10 Old Folks’ Party Games
1. Sag, You’re It!
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over
6. Doc, Doc Goose
7. Simon Says Something Incoherent
8. Hide and Go Pee
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical Recliners
what's the diffe
What’s the difference between a man and a pig?A pig dosen’t turn into a man when it’s pissed.
Half Naked
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.”Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.”Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well last week i sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck.. This was your Grandma’s idea!!”
A BBS Commandment
16. Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance, aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; and thou art obligated to repel any who wouldst transgress upon those commandments.
The Mexican duck joke
One day a teacher told her students to make a sentence out of these three words:
1.deduct
2.defense
3.defeat
None of the students could give her an answer. But then the only Mexican student said “Oh, no problem, teacher. I can do it!”
He stood up and said, “Dee duck jumped over dee fence and hurt dee feet.”
Liar Liar
The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the
church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
“Nothing much, Pastor,” replied one boy. “We were just seeing
who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life.”
“Boys, boys, boys!” he scolded. “I’m shocked. When I was your
age, I never even thought about sex.”
In unison they all replied, “You win!”
He did it his way
There’s the story about the man that walks into a house of ill repute in Reno and says, ‘I’ll give $20,000 to any woman here who’ll come into the desert with me and do it MY way.’ One of the ladies agrees, and off they go driving into the desert. After about an hour she gets curious, and asks him ‘Just what is your way?’ ‘On credit.’
your momma so fat, she got hit by a parked…
your momma so fat, she got hit by a parked car
Indian in the bar…
An Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He says to the bartender, “Me want beer.”
The bartender says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”. He gets the Indian a tall draft beer and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws it into the air and blasts it with the shotgun, then he walks out.
Four days later the Indian returns. He has a shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the bar and says to the bartender, “Me want beer.”
The bartender says, “Whoa, Tonto, we’re still cleaning up from the last time you were in here. What was that all about, anyway?”
The Indian says, “Me in training for job as government employee: drink beer, shoot shit, then no show up for four days.
NY bartender
A guy is tending bar at a sophisticated NY party when two nose-in-the-air women approach.
“So, where y’all from?” he asks.
“We are from,” one of them answers, “somewhere where people don’t end their sentences with prepositions.”
“Oh,” says the bartender. “So, where y’all from, bitch!”
Nappy Hair
Yo Mammas Hair Is So Nappy…..
When She French Braids It, They Look Like Stitches.