your mama is so fat her beltsize is the equator.
Author: admin
Beware of Doctors
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind.
The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do.
The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams in disgust.
“What’s the matter?” asked his wife. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders.”
Esto es un amigo que
Esto es un amigo que se encuentra con un viejo conocido y le pregunta:
“Hombre, Pepe, �qu� ha sido de tu vida?”
“Pues nada… Muy mal, mi hijo tiene c�ncer”.
“�Vaya, por Dios, qu� putada! �Le estar�is ayudando y tendr�is muchos gastos, no?”
“�Uf, una barbaridad! Imag�nate: entre m�dicos, medicinas, quimioterapia, tranchetes…”
“�Oye, c�mo que tranchetes!”
“�S�, s�, joder, es que es lo �nico que cabe por debajo de la puerta!”
Stupidly funny
Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead!
Prime Mates
Two gay men{ Bobby and Peter) wre walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas, and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men (Peter) just can’t bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it.
The gorilla grabs Peter, drags him into the cage and has his way with him for six hours nonstop. When he’s done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage.
An ambulance is called and Peter is taken away to the hospital.
The next day Bobby visits him in the hospital and asks, “Are you hurt?”
“AM I HURT?”, Peter shouts, “Wouldn’t you be? He hasn’t called, he hasn’t written…
I told him you were out
Housekeeper: Professor, there’s a bill collector at the door. I told him you
were out. But he wouldn’t believe me.
Professor: No? Then I suppose I’ll have to go and tell him myself.
Computer
How do you know if a blond has been using a computer? There’s whiteout on the screen
Clinton one-liner
Vote Democrat… It’s easier than getting a job.
Titanic and the Clinton Administration
Q: What do the Titanic and the Clinton Administration have in common?
A: ………going down fast.
A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped…
A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The
townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from
Moscow for 2000 rubles – or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So,
naturally, — they got the cow from Minsk.
It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and
lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would
mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to
worry about their milk supply again.
So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the
bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left.
When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the
right. This went on all day.
Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do.
After all he was very wise.
They told him the story. “Rabbi, we’ve tried all day to mate our cow. When
the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves
in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?”
The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”
“Rabbi!” they replied as one, “You are so wise! We never said we bought the
cow from Minsk. How did you know that?”
The Rabbi said, sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.”
A boy and a clock
Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? To see time fly!
Its all Good
A Priest and a Rabbi, who have been the best of friends for years, were always arguing the finer points of thier respective theologies, trying to prove the other one was wrong. One day they were riding in a car, they got cut off by a drunk driver.
The car flew off the road, rolled five times end-over-end, and came to rest on it’s roof. The Priest and Rabbi crawled from the wreckage and were amazed they were alive. As the Priest crossed himself, he noticed the Rabbi doing the same.
The Priest shouts “Praise Be! You’ve seen the Light!”
“What?” said the Rabbi.
“You-you’ve crossed yourself. You have seen the True Way! This is wonderful.”
“Cross myself?!? No no no. I was just checking everything was OK. “Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet and Watch.”