A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun – they just don’t remember who with.
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The $100 Wish
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President.The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which ran as follows:Dear God,Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, those corrupt politicians deducted $95.00.
BIZARRE REAL LIFE ANIMAL LAWS
In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property.
It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.
In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.
In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.
In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.
In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.
In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.
In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.
In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.
French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.
Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces – the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation.
Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures.
In Texas, it’s illegal to put graffiti on someone else’s cow.
It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas’ Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.
Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a “bright” red taillight securely attached to its rump.
Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California.
In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell.
In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town’s taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.
You can’t blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.
In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be “crying.”
Careful
How do porcupines make love?
Very carefully.
Submitted by Calamjo
EDited by Glaci
Old Golf
“How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.
“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”
“But you’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”
“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.
“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. “Do you see it?” asked Jack.
“Yup,” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
“I forgot.”
Blonde in Pain
A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her
body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, “Show me where.”
The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, “Ouch!”
Then she touched her leg and screamed, “Ouch!”
She touched her nose and cried, “Ouch!”
She looked at her doctor and said, “See? It hurts everywhere!”
The doctor laughed and said, “Don’t worry; it’s not serious. You�ve just got a
broken index finger.”
Ugly Momma
Yo Momma so ugly, she stuck her head out the window and got fined for indecent exposure.
Why were people so shocked when Michael Jackson…
Why were people so shocked when Michael Jackson dangled the baby over the balcony?………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Normally he just tosses them of!
40 Peinguins.
There was this trucker with 40 peinguins in his truck he was supposed to take to the zoo. In the middle of the road the truck broke down. A person driveing by (lets say his name is Bob) asks if the trucker needs help. The trucker (lets say his name is Joe) asks Bob to take the 40 peingiuns to the zoo for him. Bob agrees. An hour later the truck is fixed and Joe drives to the zoo to make sure all the peinguins arived safely. When he arives the peinguins are no where to be found! Joe drives around looking for Bob. Finally he finds him pulling out of a movie parking lot with the 40 peinguins in his car. “I thought i told you to bring these peinguins to the zoo!” Joe exclamied,
” I did” replied Bob ” But I had some money left so I took them to the movies too!”
Actual quotes from customers’ calls
* My DOS system got corroded.
* I have about 20,000 megabytes on my hard drive.
* OK, I have a C: backsplash.
* Do I hit “F” and “8” at the same time?
* I have 384,000 free contentious memory
* I have a cursing flasher.
* Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?
“No, I only have 3 of them.”
* I have Microword Soft.
* Do you want a forward backslash?
* You want me to “REAM” out SETVER?!
* I was flooding the help file.
* My BOOTLEG file didn’t say anything.
* I just put on DOS/Windows 6.0 and my memory crashed the system.
* Press any key. “I can’t find it!!”
* This DOS program says I have insignificant memory.
* How do I use my High Megabit memory?
* It says one copy filed.
* Where do I get the 6.2 step on disk?
* I’m having problems with Prodigy now, cause I bought a modem.
* I’m in the CONSYS.FIG file.
* I have SETUP.EXERSIZE on my B floppy.
* Can you hang on while I take out my earring?
* I lost my blue Cyanide color in DOSSHELL.
* When I type Empty Space TEMP it says bad command.
* I have a scummy card in my system.
* One moment while I PARK you (Please Hold).
* I have a terminant swap file.
* I have a terminal swap file.
* I have a termanent swap file.
* Why can’t I call more than one BBS with one modem at a time?
this IS a MULTITASKING system, isn’t it??
* I have a “teer” to “teer” network.
* I’ve been using Windows for well over 10 years now.
* I’m in 386 enchanted mode.
* Memory? Is that the RAM stuff?
* Why is my permanent swap file taking up 91K?! (9,186,532 bytes)
* Type SHELL=FROGMAN.EXE?
* What kind of system do you have? “HP!”
* My modem can’t see my Windows!
* I have “SET TEMPERATURE=C:DOS”
your moms like a stop sign shes at every corner…
your moms like a stop sign shes at every corner
PMS in the bible!
The minister was presenting his Sunday morning service to the congregation. He stated that everything that mankind had experienced or would ever experience was discussed or mentioned in the Bible.
After the sermon, he was shaking hands with the congregation as they filed out of the church. A woman came up to the minister and said, “Preacher, I heard your message today and I really believe that what you said is true. However in my readings of the Scripture, I have never seen any mention of PMS.”
The minister scratched his head….thought for a moment and said, “Well sister just off the top of my head I cannot think of a passage but I’m sure that it exists. See me after next week’s service and I will give you an answer.”
The next Sunday as the preacher was again shaking the hands of the leaving congregation the woman again came up to him and asked if he had in fact gotten her an answer.
The preacher said, “Yes my dear, that passage does in fact exist.” She said,”Well please tell me where PMS is mentioned in the Bible. I’ve read it many, many times and I have never seen it mentioned at all.”
Preacher says, “Its right in the book of Matthew.”
She said, “No way, I’ve read that several times and its not mentioned at all!”
He said ,”It certaintly is, if you remember in the Christmas story, it states very specifically…that Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem!