Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?
Her blinker was on.
Author: admin
Bush BM
President george w. bush is hit by a strong case of constipation. he sends his
spanish secretary, who knows little english, to the local hospital. she tells
the doctor, “big president bush, no s***.”
the doctor understands and gives him some medicine to take with him.
the next day, the secretary comes back again and says, “big president, no
s***.”
the doctor gives him even stronger medicine. a few days later, the secretary
comes yet again and says, “big president, big no s***.”
the doctor gives him the strongest medicine he has.
the next day, the secretary comes back to the doctor and says, “ba-boom! big
s***, no president.”
Half Drunk
Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
Hubby: It’s not my fault…I ran out of money!
Biker bar interview
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker
with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaimed, “I want to join your biker club�.
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker
requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asked her, “You have a bike?”
The little old lady said, “Yeah, that’s my Harley over there�, and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked her, “Do you smoke?”
The little old lady said, “Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a
day and a couple of cigars while I’m shooting pool.”
The biker was impressed and asked, “Well, have you ever been picked up by the
fuzz?”
The little old lady said, “No, I’ve never been picked up by the fuzz, but I’ve
been swung around by my nipples a few times�.
Taking Up a Collection for the President
A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this seems worse than usual.”
He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, “Officer, what’s the hold-up?”
The officer replied, “The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we’re taking up a collection for him.”
The lobbyist asks, “How much have you got so far?”
The officer replies, “About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning.”
Sinful Guy
Once, there was this guy, who personally felt that he has committed lots of sinful crime and therefore decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at a church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
“Father, I am sinful. ”
“Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you.”
“Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her. ”
“That’s bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake.”
“Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too.”
“That’s not very good of you.”
“Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too.”
“Father? ……… Father?”
Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.
“Father? Where are you?”
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. “Father, why are you hiding here?”
“Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me.”
Un gringo se lanza con
Un gringo se lanza con un paraca�das miniatura desde 70,000 pies de altura. Cuando llega a tierra firme, los periodistas, uno tras otro, le acosan con preguntas:
“Se�or, �qu� sinti� usted al lanzarse desde 70,000 pies de altura?”
” Bueno, cuando yo lanzarme de los 70,000 pies de altura, yo sentir un nido en la garganta”.
“No, no, mister. No se dice un nido en la garganta, se dice un nudo en la garganta”.
“�No, yo sentir un nido! Estar seguro que yo sentir un nido en la garganta porque cuando yo lanzarme de los 70,000 pies de altura, yo clarito sentir que subirse huevos, p�jaro y todo a la garganta…”
Serbian Prostitute
What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.
Kidnapping
One time a blonde was desperatly in need of money so she decided to kidnap someone. One morning she was in her local park and she saw a young boy, she pulled him over to the tree and pined a note on his shirt that read, “Leave $10 000 in a plain brown bag by the big tree in the park by 6 am tommorrow, signed THE BLONDE.”
She told the boy to run straight home taking no detours. The next morning the blonde found the bag filled with money. When she was leaving she saw a note in the bag, she opened it and it said, “Heres your money, How could you do this, (One Blonde to another)
Satterfield sat in the office of Dr. Hobbs….
Satterfield sat in the office of Dr. Hobbs. “I’ve got an emergency out
at my house, Doc,” muttered Satterfield. “My son Steve was kissing his
girlfriend while his mother and I were out this afternoon, and he got
his braces locked.”
“No problem,” said the dentist. “I have to unlock teenagers’ braces
all the time.”
“From an I.U.D.?”
15 excuses when caught sleeping at work
1 Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot2 This is just a 15 minute power nap like they faved about in that time management course you sent me to3 I was working smarter — not harder4 Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper5 Oh, I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm6 This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people7 I was testing the keybord for droo;-resistance8 It worked for Reagan, didn’t it?9 Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just wont wear off10 I’m actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) I learnt at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend11 This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dremt abuot work12 I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?13 Hey! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem14 They told me at the blood bank this might happen15 I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day
Oscar Meyer
One day a man went to the beach to drown himself when he saw a bottle. He brushed the sand off of it and a genie came out. 3 Wishes u know the drill, says the genie. So, the man wishes for a porche. Thre’s his porche. He knows this is for real now, so he wisheds for the car to be filled with thousand dollar bills. POOF! There they are. He tells the genie to get back in so he can think of the ultamite wish. He then hops in his car, not the man wanting to commit suicide anymore. He was so happy he was singing! “I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner…” and POOF! he was an oscar meyer weiner.