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At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another,
“Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our
experiments?”
“Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?”
“Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful,
second, the lab assistants don’t get so attached to them, and thirdly there are
some things even a rat won’t do. However, sometimes it very hard to exterpolate
our test results to human beings.”
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could
also imagine us attacking that world because they’d never expect it.
u r so smelly that u scare skunks away
One day a father and son were walking down the street and they see two dogs have sex. The son asks his father” Dad what are they doing?” The father answers ” Making puppies.”
One day the boy walks into his parents room while they are making love. The son asks ” Dad, what are you doing?” The father answers, “Making babies” The son yells, ” No, roll her over I weant puppies.”
You or one of your relatives is named Cletus.Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.
A catholic teacher asks her students to answer the question
“When you die what part of your body goes to Heaven first?”
One student replied “I think it is the heart”. “Why?”, asks the
teacher. “Well”, replied the student, “because we keep Jesus
and God in our hearts.”
Another student replied “I think that the brain goes to Heaven
first.”
Again the teacher asked for an explanation. The student replied
“Because we think about Jesus and God with our brain.”
Little Tommy, the troublemaker in the class, said “Well I think
that when you die your feet go to Heaven first.”
The teacher angrily asked “Tommy, why in the world would you say
such a thing?”
Tommy replied, “Because last night I was on my way to the
bathroom when I heard noises coming from my parents’ bedroom.
So I crept to the door and looked in; my dad was on top of my
mom and her feet were up in the air and she was screaming “Oh
God I’m coming!”
How do you prevent a sorority girl from having sex?
Marry her.
A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right he asked, “Did you pour beer on my trousers?”
“Nope,” came the reply.
Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, “Did you pour beer on my trousers?”
The man also replied, “Nope.”
“Then it must be an inside job,” he murmured.
Did you know that Monica Lewinsky is moving to North Carolina?
She doesn’t know exactly where she’ll live, but it’s a toss-up between Blowing
Rock and Morehead City.
18> Weedies
17> Coke Puffs
16> Sugar Smack
15> Special H
14> Life Sentence
13> Freebasin’ Bran
12> Count Crackula
11> CrankenBerry
10> Toot ‘n’ Fibre
9> Turning Trix
8> Chex Into Rehab
7> Primo Wheat
6> Honey Bunches of Dope
5> Cap’n Crack With Marion Barrys
4> Muesl-X
3> Sugar Crystal Methampheti-Flakes
2> Froot ‘Ludes
1> Oakland Crack Bran
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big
animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and
at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play,
the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for
no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the
elephant?”
“I did,” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.
“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.
“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”