Author: admin

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.””Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.”We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.”We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.”Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man.”You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.”Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?”

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

“I must say,” says the executive, “your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job.”

“Yes,” says the man.

“Well,” continues the executive, “there’s not much positive in that.”

“Hey!” says the guy as he pokes the application. “At least I’m not a quitter.”

A man from Atlanta moved to New York.As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, “Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00”. The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain. “Well” said the man, “its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story”. “I’ll just take the cat,” said the man. “Very well, but you will be back,” said the salesman. The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket. As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning around he noticed there were a couple of cats following him. The further he walked the more cats seemed to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see thousands of cats behind him. “Screw this!” he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned. The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat. “I knew you would be back. $150.00 for the story,” said the salesman. “Forget the story,” said the man.”Have you got a bronze Mets fan?”