What do women and tornados have in common?
They both scream before they come and they take everything with them when they leave.
Author: admin
Red neck
Q: HOW MENY REDNECKS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
A: 2: ONE TO HOLD THE BULB AND THE OTHER TO TURN THE LADDER
11th commandment
Due to Clinton’s escapades
The Lord added an 11th commandment:
Thou shall not stick thy rod in thy staff.
Butter and Blonde
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Big foot
wuts the difference between a hard working black man and big foot
big foot has already been spotted
Hungry?
Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?
A: Booger King!!!
magic mirror
there was a blonde, a brunete,and a red head. they all walked into a bar for a drink.the bar tender said,”i have a magical mirror any thing you think you are.you tell the mirror and if its true you will become it even more of what you wished for.but if not the mirror will suck you up.” so the brunet goes in and said ”i think im the prettyest girl in the world.”with that the mirror said ”you are.” so she became prettyer than everyone in the world.then the red head went in and said ”i think im the richest girl in the world.” the mirror said” you look very rich you now are the richest girl in the world.”the blonde went in and said ”i think”and with that the mirror gobbeld her up.the two girls left said ”why did the mirror swollow her up?”the man said” because she said that she thought and thats a lie.”
Guess Who?
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies.
So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime.
Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where!”
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow…just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, “just do it”)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave’m in the middle)
Invite
A young mother decided to host a dinner party, and invited 6 couples and their
children.She worked very hard, and by the time the guests arrived, she was
exhausted. When it was time to say the blessing, she asked her 5 year old
daughter to say grace. To help her along, she said,” Go ahead, honey, just say
what mommy does” The little girl bowed her head and prayed” Lord, why did I
invite all these people?”
Invite
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
A: Invite an accountant.
Teacher
A teacher in the class on the ancient history asked a student,
“Who was the first man on the earth?”
“Adam.”
“And to what severe punishment had God subjected him?”
“Eve.”