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El cielo y el infierno se encontraban en un dilema, para resolver sobre el alma de un abogado, ya que el cielo no ten�a ninguno. Deciden hacer un partido de f�tbol para ver quien se lo lleva, y San Pedro se burla:
“�Ja, ja, ja!, perdiste diablo, porque conmigo est�n Maradona, Pel�, Garrincha, Cruiff, y otros”.
Sin preocuparse, el diablo le responde:
“�Y, qu�? Mira en el banquillo a quienes tenemos nosotros”.
En la banca, los tres �rbitros estaban sentados.
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate.” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how.”
There was a guy named tom who had three balls, so one day he went to the doctor to do something about it, the doctor asked him”how many balls have you got”Tim was a shy person, so he said,”er, your balls and my balls add up to 5 balls”The doctor’s face turned into a surprised expression and he said,”WHAT???you’ve got 1 ball????”
Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was. He said he played a little golf. So his co-worker asked him how well he did.
“I hit two of my best balls,” he said.
“Tell me about it,” said his co-worker.
“I stepped on a rake.”
Smile… It scares people!!!
“Is my laryngitis contagious, Doc?”
“Under the right circumstances it could be.”
“Do you recommend I do anything about that?”
“How about giving your mother-in-law a big kiss?”
Waiter to customer: “Our specialty is snails.”
“I know. One of them served me the last time I was here!”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
I was standing in line at a restaurant, waiting to pay my bill behind two women who handed the young waitress a credit card.
After swiping the card, she loudly called out to her manager, “Mr. Allen, what do I do if it says ‘rejected’?”
As the women’s faces reddened and customers turned to look, Mr Allen walked out from the kitchen.
“Well,” he answered, wiping his hands, “the first thing you do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who might have been thinking of leaving you a tip.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for
advice on what to wear. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him
think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite
advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant
suit and tie.”
Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting
advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. “Let me
tell you a story,” replied the Rabbi. “A woman, about to be
married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night.
‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to
your neck.’ But when she asked her best friend, she got
conflicting advice. ‘Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V
neck.'”
The man protested, “What does all this have to do with my
problem with the IRS?” “No matter what you wear, you are going
to get screwed.”
Two guys wandered into a bar.
One of the men shouted to the barkeeper, “Hiya, Mike, set ’em up for me and my pal here.”
Then he turned to his slightly dim partner and boasted, “This is a great bar. For every two drinks you buy, the house gives you one. And the pinball machines in the back are free!”
“That’s not so great,” responded the friend. “There’s a bar across town that’ll match you drink for drink, and you can get laid in the back for free.”
“Where is this place?” the first guy exclaimed.
“Oh, I don’t know,” the dim fellow replied, “But my wife goes there all the time.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.”I’m much too young to die! I’m only 35!” St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, “I’m afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you’ve billed to your clients, and you’re at least 108.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cliff!Cliff who?Cliff the hedges!