Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out,
and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work
smarter, not harder.
Author: admin
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone?A: He turned into Hillary!
Experimenting Marine
Back in 1947 the government was experimenting with a Marine’s ability to
complete his mission after suffering a serious head injury.
They took a well trained, physically-fit, hard-charging Cpl. and told him to
row a canoe up a river. The Cpl. jumped in the canoe, started rowing up stream
with ease and began singing, “From the Halls of Montezuma, To the Shores of
Tripoli.”
The next day a team of surgeons performed a frontal lobotomy on the
Marine. Again, they took him to the river and said’ “row.”
Again the Cpl. jumped in, took a second to find his seat, started rowing with
a little difficulty and began singing. It took a little more effort this time,
“From Da Hallls of Montayuma, Two Da Stores in
Tripoli.” But he made it up river and completed the task.
The next day the surgeons removed the majority of the Marines brain and took
him to the river.
The Cpl. jumped in, fell out, and began swimming up stream, singing “For Da
Hails of Monte puma, to ‘e hall inn monopoly.” But again, he made it up
river and completed his task.
The next day the surgeons removed the remainder of the Marines brain. He had
no brain what-so-ever and no way to think logically. They took him to the
river. He fell out of the car and began singing, “Hear we go, Into the wild
blue yonder….”
Three Generations of prostitutes
There were three prostitutes living together: a mother, a daughter and a grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down.”How did you do tonight, dear?”asked her mother.”Not too good.”replied the daughter, “I only got 20 dollars for a blow job””Wow!” said the mother, “In my day, we were glad to get 5 dollars for a blow job!””Good God!” said the Grandmother, “In my day, we were glad to just get something warm in our stomachs!”
Novel Ways to Relieve Stress
Jam minature marshmallows up your nose — and try to sneeze them out.Use you MasterCard — to pay your Visa bill.Pop some popcorn — without putting the lid on.When someone says, ”Have a nice day” — tell them you have other plans.During your next meeting — sneeze and the loudly suck the phlegm back down your throat.Find out what a frog in a blender — really looks like.Make a list of things — you have already done.Dance naked — in front of your pets.Put your child’s clothes on backwards — and send them off to school as if nothing was wrong.Thumb through the National Geographic — and draw underwear on the Natives.Go shopping and buy everything you want — sweat in them and return them the next day.Drive to work — in reverse.Read the dictionary backwards — and look for subliminal messages.Start a nasty rumor — and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.Bill your doctor — for the time you spent in his waiting room.Get a box of condoms — wait in line at the checkout and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.
Klein bottle for rent – inquire within….
Klein bottle for rent – inquire within.
Admiring Glances
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, “Was it worth the trouble you’re in?”
Little Johnny Crack-up.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Bobby?”
“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”
“Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.”
Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him – “I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
“And where do you think you are going?” she asks.
“Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!”
Extreme Golfing
Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an old man.
They’ve been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green.
Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green.
Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap.
A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man’s card. “Alright Dad, stop showing off”!
You Know You’re in New York City When…
You Know You’re in New York City When…
1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons.
2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour.
3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, “Ack. More damned aliens.”
4. The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution.
5. The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off.
6. You pass a convenience store advertising “Free green cards, no questions asked.”
7. The gas station attendants actually speak English.
8. The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns.
9. A person with rainbow striped hair can pass bywithout anyone staring.
10. The bumper sticker on the senior citizen’s car in front of you reads, “Warning: I break for pedestrians.”
Father and Son
One day a father and son were walking down the street and they see two dogs have sex. The son asks his father” Dad what are they doing?” The father answers ” Making puppies.”
One day the boy walks into his parents room while they are making love. The son asks ” Dad, what are you doing?” The father answers, “Making babies” The son yells, ” No, roll her over I weant puppies.”
I can imagine a world
I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could
also imagine us attacking that world because they’d never expect it.