Author: admin

La ONU promueve que varios pa�ses env�en a sus cuerpos policiacos a una prueba donde se decidir� cual es el mejor de ellos a nivel mundial.

EE.UU. env�a miembros del FBI, Mosc� algunos de la KGB y M�xico a varios de la Polic�a Judicial.

La prueba consiste en soltar un chimpanc� en la selva y capturarlo en el menor tiempo posible. Los primeros en actuar son los de la KGB. Sueltan el chimpanc�, y a las tres horas los tipos llegan con el animal.

“�C�mo lo lograron? Pregunta alguien de la ONU.”

“F�cil, s�lo fue cuesti�n de ir siguiendo sus huellas y reconocer sus rastros de c�scara de banana.”

Enseguida siguen los del FBI. Una hora m�s tarde regresan con el animal.

“�C�mo lo lograron?”

“F�cil, s�lo fue cuesti�n de usar nuestros radares, coordinarnos con el sat�lite esp�a, y finalmente lo encontramos en una cueva, gracias a nuestros visores infrarrojos.”

Toca el turno a los de la polic�a mexicana. Veinte minutos despu�s de soltar al chimpanc�, se les ve llegar muy contentos con un gorila, todo maltrecho, golpeado y con el hocico sangrando.

“�Se lo juro que yo soy!” dec�a el gorila, a llanto tendido “�Yo soy el chimpanc�! �Se lo juro, se lo juro!”

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.”

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.

The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, “You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra.”

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis.

With a death grip in place, she said, “You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother.”

Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis

All Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you’ve gotten yourself into. Whenever there’s a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and just go with it. You’ll be surprised how effective this form can be if you just let your instincts guide you!

Dear

a) Mom,

b) Dad,

c) love of my life,

d) Assistant Principal,

e) Local Police Chief,

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your

a) car

b) house

c) pet

d) espresso maker

e) left arm

was severely damaged by my

a) infantile

b) puerile

c) inept

d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic

e) woefully under appreciated prank.

How could I have known that the

a) car

b) jet ski

c) large helium balloon

d) rodent driven sledge

e) Zamboni

I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your

a) house,

b) wife,

c) Cub Scout troop,

d) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with lightbulb in the torch,

e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,

you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to

a) imagine,

b) fathom,

c) comprehend,

d) appreciate,

e) pay for,

and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to

a) hate me,

b) sue me,

c) spank me,

d) take my firstborn,

e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond,

but I ask you to remember all the good times we’ve had, joshing around at

a) school

b) work

c) church

d) the bowling alley

e) the municipal jail,

and to remember that I am first and foremost your

a) friend

b) child

c) sibling

d) lease co-signer

e) only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.

I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that

a) was so stupid.

b) was so silly.

c) would have been funny if it worked.

d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first.

e) I’m going to use again on someone else.

Sincerely,

Enter name here (or alias): ________________________

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying ”Bach, Bach, Bach…”