viginity like bubble; one prick, all gone.
Author: admin
Weight
A women, not known for her patience, would complain often about the long delay she always endured at her doctor’s office.
One day, when her name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale.
“I need to get your weight today.” said the nurse.
Without a moment’s hesitation, the women replied, “One hour and 45 minutes.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Picking up chicks
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat.
During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.
Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women.
Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.
Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, ‘Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women – what’s his secret?’
He stops and thinks, then he adds, ‘He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night – What’s going on?’
‘Well,’ Said the Barman, ‘I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows…’
As someone once observed, Southerners will…
As someone once observed, Southerners will be polite until they are angry
enough to kill you.
– John Shelton Reed
What brand of underwear does
What brand of underwear does Monica Lewinsky wear?
President’s Choice.
Corporate Assprints
This one is supposed to be a true story, told by a co-worker.
Any of you have those square electronic keys you press against a pad to open the building door? I worked at a relatively high-security building which had electronic locks. A thick plastic card pressed against the door pad unlocks the door so you can enter. Most of us guys kept the card in our back pocket and just pressed our ass against the pad to unlock the door.
A temporary worker was hired and we were surprised (and happy) to find that it was a young woman. Her first few days went by and one of us always happened to be nearby when she wanted in. I walked up one day and caught her rubbing her ass against the door pad. Which didn’t unlock the door, since she doesn’t have a card.
As I pressed my butt against the pad to let us both in, I told her, “You gotta fax your ass to corporate before you can get in this way.”
Yo mama so hairy…
Yo mama so hairy a blind man mistook her for his seeing eye dog.
Yo Momma’s So Fat
Yo momma’s so fat her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud!!
What’s the difference between the
What’s the difference between the Titanic
and President Bill Clinton?
Only 350 women went down on the
Titanic.
Did you hear that Monica
Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky had her “love handles” removed.
Bill says she looks funny without ears.
Redneck computer term
Hardcopy – Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
The Helpful Pilot
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if we wanted to get of the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes.Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, “Keith, we’re in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”Keith replied, “No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.”Picture this ….. all the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!