Q: Why did Bill Clinton get a new secretary?
A: He forgot where he laid the last one.
Author: admin
Boss of the House
I am not the boss of my house. I don’t know when I lost it. I don’t know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss’s job and I do not wantit.
— Bill Cosby
Mother tells son how
“Mom, how did I get my name?”asked a boy “I name all my children after the first thing I see on the way to the hospital. Like your sister’s name is Running Deer and your brother’s name is Crawling Lizard. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Pee?”
Two Dwarfs in a Bar
Two dwarfs are sitting in a bar talking about women and beer when a couple of
prostitutes stride up to them.
“Like any business tonight?”
They ask, making sure their ample cleavages are showing.
“Ay! All right” Of course obviously they are Scottish…
“Just so happens we have two rooms in the hotel across road” The first dwarf,
‘Malcolm’ says.
They cross the road and go up to their hotel rooms, which are situated next to
each other. Dwarf number 2 ‘Jimmy’ as he likes to be called sits on the bed with
his partner for the night.
“Ahhh….has been a long time since I have enjoyed such a woman as yourself”
Jimmy tells his newfound friend. But to his disgust he has great problems trying
to get “lil’ Jimmy” to cooperate…. To make the situation worse he can hear
Malcolm in the next room….
“ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! MMMWWAWWAAAAA!!” Obviously he is having far greater
success… In fact at this point in time Jimmy is thinking, Malcolm is the God
of sex… Capable of arousing and giving almost painful pleasure any woman.
Next morning Jimmy walks across the road the bar for an early pint to drown
his sorrows in. but sitting at the counter is Malcolm.
“Ahhhh…hello Malcolm, what an appalling night…Lil’ Jimmy wasn�t playing
along” says the dwarf…
“Hah!!” says Malcolm.
“It’s fine for you. I couldn�t even get on the bed!!”
Bill and Hillary
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight’s specials
are chicken almondine and fresh fish. “The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that,”
Hillary says.
The waiter nods. “And the vegetable?” he asks.
“Oh, he’ll have the fish,” Hillary replies.
Ransom
Year after year, little Johnny had been askin for a bikefor
Christmas, but never got one, Every year his mom kept sayin,
“Write a letter to Jesus, maybe he’ll give you one.”
And so the boy continued to write to Jesus, then, one year,
he begged his mother, and his mother returned with the lame
reply, “Write to Jesus.”
The little boy ran up to his room and began to write a note
to Jesus, and it started as:
Dear Jesus,
This year I’ve been a good boy…
The boy crumpled up the paper cause he knew he wasn’t good,
and crumpled similar letters as well.
The following Sunday the little Johnny went to church with
his family. At the end of mass, when his family awaited for him
in the car, he grabbed the statue of the Virgin Mary, and took
it home with him.
That night he began to write a letter to Jesus and it read
as:
“Dear Jesus,
I got your mommy now gimme my bike!”
Mother F**ker
Amber, A 16 year old cathlic girl goes to confession.
Amber: I called a boy a mother fucker last night.
Priest: Why did you do that?
Amber: He kissed me.
The priest bent over and kissed her.
Priest: like that?
Amber: yes.
Priest: Is that why you called him a mother fucker?
Amber: No, then he grabbed me butt.
The priest grabbed her butt.
Priest: like this?
Amber: yes.
Priest: Is that why you called him a mother fucker?
Amber: no, then he pulled my pants down.
The priest then pulled her pants down.
Priest:like this?
Amber:yes.
Priest : Is that why you called him a mother fucker?
Amber: No, then he took off my panties, and put his you know what in my you know where.
The priest took off her panties, and put his you know what in her you know where.
Priest: Like this?
Amber: yes
Priest: Is that why you called him a mother fucker?
Amber: no
Priest: then why did you call him a mother fucker?
Amber: He had herpes!
Priest: That MOTHER FUCKER!
Is she feeling any better?
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?Nurse: No change yet.
3 Blind Mice
Three mice walk into a bar and sit down, one right after the
other. They order a round of Vodka for themselves and start to
talk.
The first mouse guzzles the drink and says, “I set off mouse
traps just for fun.”
Then the second mouse drinks his and says, “Oh yeah? I ground up
those poison pills they try to give us and snort ’em.”
Then, the third mouse gulps down his drink, puts his coat on,
and walks out. The other two mice yell, “Where in the Hell do
you think you’re goin’?”
The mouse replys: “To go fuck the cat.”
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?A: Because blondes would have to think them up.
Screw in a Light Bulb
How Many Republicans Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
Four hundred and seventy one.
12 to investigate Clinton’s involvement in the failure of the
old bulb,
23 to deregulate the light bulb industry,
16 to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D,
34 to cut the marginal tax rate on high-wattage light bulbs,
9 to threaten trade sanctions if Germany and Japan don’t start
buying more 110-volt bulbs,
53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,
41 to chat with defense contractors about equipping everyone in
the building with night-vision gear instead, and
283 to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs, or
screwing anything, on the Internet.
Do Your Boobs?
One day this guy named Dan was sitting in class next to a really hot girl named Jen. He was a dork but had a huge chrush on Jen. Dan wanted to tell her about his chrush on her but didn’t know how to. So he said “Are your boobs so hard that when you touch them your fingers start bleeding?” Jen was totally grossed out and said in reply “I guess you’ve never seen boobs before” **The End**