Yours Fun Portal !
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tarzan!
Tarzan who?
Tarzan stripes forever!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Teachers!
Teachers who?
Teachers for the red white and blue. Hip hip..!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Teheran!
Teheran who?
Teheran up the road!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tennessee!
Tennessee who?
Tennessee is played at Wimbledon!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Tennis!
Tennis who?
Tennis five plus five!
“What do you want to be when you grow up little Johnny?”
“A doctor?”
“And why is that?”
“Because it’s the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill.”
Una comisi�n de mujeres trataba de llegar a un acuerdo acerca de qu� es lo mejor para lograr la plenitud sexual. Las opiniones estaban divididas del siguiente modo:
Siempre pod�s elegir entre un consolador y un hombre, pero �ste �ltimo te da las siguientes ventajas:
1. Si no lleg�s al orgasmo tendr�s a quien echarle la culpa.
2. �l se encarga de pagar la noche de diversi�n.
3. Te hace regalos para conseguir una pr�xima vez.
Aunque hay que reconocer que el consolador tambi�n tiene sus ventajas:
1. No te dice cosas que no te cre�s ni de lejos, para lograr meterse dentro de ti.
2. No le ten�s que decir ‘estuvo muy bueno’, justo cuando te estabas por echar el cuarto.
3. Una vez que lo usaste no te despierta con los ronquidos.
4. Es ‘diet’: endulza pero no engorda.
La comisi�n se expidi� definitivamente en favor del segundo elemento, aunque por cuestiones econ�micas, conviene tener las dos posibilidades a mano.
Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?A: To draw blood.
What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
A little fucker about so tall.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
A redneck wanted to learn how to skydive. He got an Instructor and started lessons. The Instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The Instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The red neck understood and was ready.
The time came for the redneck to jump from the plane. The instuctor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him. The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane, and after being in the air for a few seconds he pulled the rip cord.
The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, while franticly trying to get his parachute open, dropped like a brick right past the redneck.
The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his own parachute, “So you wanna race, huh?”
If you can’t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.If it tastes good, it’s probably not kosher.After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann’s.No one looks good in a yalmulke.Wasps leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.20% off is a bargain; 50% off is a mitzvah.Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.And what’s so wrong with dry turkey?If your name was Lipschitz, you’d change it, too.Always whisper the names of diseases.One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.If you don’t eat, it will kill me.Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.Where there’s smoke, there may be smoked salmon.Never take a front-row seat at a bris.Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami Beach.The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended (only for NYorkers)Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?Before you read the menu, read the prices.There comes a time in every man’s life when he must stand up and tell his mother he’s an adult. This usually happens around age 45 (65 if he is Italian).According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.No meal is complete without leftovers.If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She looked at him and smiled. “Jeeves,” she said. “Take off my dress. “
He did this carefully.
“Jeeves,” she continued. “Take off my stockings and garter.”
He silently obeyed her.
“Jeeves,” she then said. “Remove my bra and panties. “
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She then said, “Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you’re fired!”
When Mike got arrested, they told him, “Anything you say will be held against you.”
Mike said, “Claudia Schiffer’s breasts.”
Un tipo se sube al tren nocturno que va a la ciudad de Chill�n, en Chile. Antes de iniciar el viaje se dirige al conductor y le solicita que lo despierte en dicha estaci�n, advirti�ndole, eso s�, que despu�s de dormir se pon�a bastante porfiado y seguramente se iba a oponer a que lo bajaran, pero que contaban con su autorizaci�n para ponerse en�rgicos y obligarlo a descender.
Cuando ya se hubo retirado el conductor, el viajero se percat� que a su lado se hab�a sentado una se�ora con dos ni�os, lo que le impedir�a dormir, as� que se cambi� de asiento. Pasaron las horas y ya de ma�ana constata que se encontraba en Puerto Montt, una ciudad distante casi 200 kil�metros de Chill�n. Indignado, se dirige al conductor y le espeta:
“�Imb�cil, no te dije que me despertaras en Chill�n! ��No recuerdas que te dije que era porfiado y que ten�as que despertarme en esa ciudad?!”
“�Qu� vas a ser porfiado t�! �El que bajamos en Chill�n… Ese s� que era porfiado!”, responde conductor.
Q: How many East Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes six years!!