Author: admin

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.

Canadians: Believe that that’s the government’s job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can’t agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.

Canadians: Don’t, but only because they can’t get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it “English”.

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it “English”.

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add “G’day”, “mate” and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION

Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

Last name:______________

First name:______________

(_) Billy-Bob (_) Bobby-Sue
(_) Billy-Joe (_) Bobby-Jo
(_) Billy-Ray (_) Bobby-Ann
(_) Billy-Sue (_) Bobby-Lee
(_) Billy-Mae (_) Bobby-Ellen
(_) Billy-Jack (_) Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
(_) Badd-Teddy Bob

Age:_____(if unsure, guess)

Sex: (_)M (_)F (_)None

Shoe Size:______Left_____Right

Occupation:
(_) Farmer (_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser (_) Waitress
(_) Un-employed (_) Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name:_________________

2nd Spouse’s Name:______________

3rd Spouse’s Name_______________

Lover’s Name:___________________

2nd Lover’s Name:_______________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister (_) Aunt
(_) Brother (_) Uncle
(_) Mother (_) Son
(_) Father (_) Daughter
(_) Cousin (_) Pet

Number of children living in household:_____

Number of children living in shed:________

Number of children that are yours:________

Mother’s Name:_______________________(Relation_______)

Father’s Name:________________________(Relation_______)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

If you obtained a higher education what was your major?
(_) 5th grade (_) 6th grade

Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
____Total number of vehicles you own
____Number of vehicles that still crank
____Number of vehicles in front yard
____Number of vehicles in back yard
____Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you stared drvin ____
( if over 10 are you still slow lerrnin? (_) Yes (_) No

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____truck ____kitchen
____bedroom ____bathroom/outhouse
____shed ____pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup:___________194__

Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to :
(_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe
(_) TVGuide (_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun (_) Bassmasters

____Number of times you’ve seen a UFO

____Number of times you’ve seen Elvis

____Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

Do you hunt Bear? If so, please do not explain

How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Not applicble

How many teeth in YOUR mouth?_____

Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown (_) Black
(_) N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_) Red-Man (_) Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_) 1 mile
(_) 2 miles
(_) don’t know

Distance between mobile home and Bubba’s House of Beer?____

How many times has you received a DWI this year?____