Q. What do you call a dog with no legs?
A. It doesn’t matter what you call him, he can’t come.
Author: admin
Sleeping in the barn
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down.
Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn.
After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn.
A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. a few moments later, a knock on the door.
The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn.
A few moments later there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig!!!
Always Give 100%
12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday
The Zoo
Harry starts his new job at the zoo and he is given three tasks, the first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. Harry starts on this when suddenly a bloody great fish leaps out and bites him. Harry is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death. Upon doing so he realises that his boss is not going to be best pleased, so Harry tries to think of a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions will eat anything, so Harry feeds the fish to the lions.
Harry then moves on to his second job, which is to clearout the monkey house. Harry gets stuck in and a couple of chimps start throwing shit at him. Harry is not amused and bashes the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly. Harry is shitting himself, so what does he do? he feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything.
Anyway, Harry moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from some South American bees. Harry starts on this and gets attacked by the bees, as you can guess Harry mashes the swarm of bees. By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do, you guessed it, feed them to the lions, because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo, it wanders up to another lion and asks ‘what’s the food like here?’ the other lion responds, “Absolutely brilliant, today I had fish and chimps with mushy bees!”
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Why can’t Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics?A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.
Cabbies
Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “What’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”
“Well,” the other responded, “When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Tenessee Football
Why did the Volunteers pick orange for their team color?So they can play football on Saturday, go derr hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on the side of the road for the rest of the week!!!
Body Parts
These three engineers are discussing who designed the human body. The
first one says “It must have been an electrical engineer, because of all
the complex nerve endings and circuits”. The second one says “It must have
been a mechanical engineer, because of the perfect movement of the joints.
The third guy sits and thinks for a minute before finally replying “No.
You’re both wrong. It was a civil engineer. Who else would put a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.”
Cindy Garner
Disapointment
What’s the redneck definition of real disappointment?
Just when you get the rocks piled up, the cow walks off.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Airy Sex
Airy Sex
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
The Top 15 Signs Your Date’s Not an English Major
16. She thinks Jack London is a character on General Hospital.
15. Has legally changed her name to “Slutty Spice.”
14. Won’t stop talking about the time he bit Holyfield’s ear.
13. Wants to buy the novel of the Mr. Bean movie.
12. The two of you constantly argue about which “Homer” came first.
11. Giggles uncontrollably whenever you bring up “Moby Dick.”
10. Thinks “Elements of Style” was written by Elsa Klensch.
9. The last time he completed a sentence, he was at Attica.
8. “You gots no condom, you gets no party”, was your last clue.
7. “Of *course* I’ve read Walden. And it only took me 10 minutes to find him!”
6. Ask her to conjugate a verb and she starts talking and belching at the same time.
5. Doesn’t have a lot of free weekends due to busy schedule as NASCAR commentator.
4. Thinks “Beowolf” is a show starring David Hasselhoff.
3. Her favorite poem deals with a man from Nantucket.
2. When you ask him if he has any Grey Poupon, he says, “Hey, don’t be gross!”
1. You: “Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?”
Her: “Dude! That would be, like, totally bitchin’!”