The Top 20 Famous Quotes Featuring the Word “Underpants”

20> “Underpants?!? We don’t need no stinking underpants!”

19> “She’s all that and a bag of underpants.”

18> “No… more… wire… underpants… EVER!!!”

17> “Mr. Gorbachev, TEAR DOWN THOSE UNDERPANTS!”

16> “How now, brown underpants?”

15> “I want the underpants!” “You can’t handle the underpants!!”

14> “Wazzzzunderpants?”

13> “I love the smell of underpants in the morning. They smell like… victory.”

12> “I ate his underpants with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. [*ppth-ppth-ppth*]”

11> “Underpants are melting in the rain, and the sweet green icing’s flowing down.”

10> “Pop quiz, hotshot: There’s underpants on a bus. Once the underpants goes 50 miles an hour, the underpants is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?!?”

9> “I did not have sexual relations with those underpants.”

8> “Underpants… [clink clink clink] Come out and play… Oh, underpants… [clink clink clink] Come out and play…”

7> “Elvis has left the underpants.”

6> “The first rule of underpants is: Do not talk about underpants.”

5> “Open the underpants, please, HAL.”

4> “They melt in your mouth, not in your underpants!”

3> “I’m ‘underpants’? Whadda ya mean, ‘underpants’? ‘Underpants’ how? How am I ‘underpants’? You mean ‘underpants,’ like clown underpants? Like I’m here to make you laugh? Like I’m here to amuse you?”

2> “We’re going to need bigger underpants.”

1> “…’cause you are the wind beneath my underpants.”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

Little Johnny Wants

Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and cried until his mother came in to see what was the matter.”I have to make pee pee”, wailed the little boy.”All right,” said his mother, “I’ll take you to the bathroom.” “No” insisted Johnny, “I want Grandma.” “Don’t be silly, I can do the same thing as Grandma,” said his mother firmly.” “Nuh-uh. Her hands shake.”

House Fire

A man’s house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside.

Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside.

Then his wife.

Then the dog.

Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.

So a fireman asks him, “Why are you going back in there?”

The man replies, “I’m turning over my mother in law.”

I donno

One day a little girl walked into the bathroom,she went to the
4th stall.In this 4th stall she saw things about her with her
name on it.Than she saw the dummy who wrote it.The next day when
a teacher was in the bathroom the girl came in.The girl
said”What the hell do you think your doing in here you
bitch!”than te teacher came out and the girl turned red and was
suspended.By the way she was a blonde!

Morning Sickness

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.”What’s wrong Tracey ?” she asked.Tracey told her that she had “morning sickness”. Surprised the neighbour said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant.””I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just damn sick of mornings.”

Yo Mama’s So Fat…

Yo mama’s so fat

– Yo Mama’s so fat, she couldn’t fit in a satellite photo.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she’s on both sides of the family.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington’s nose
– Yo Mama’s so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes
– Yo Mama’s so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: “Free Willy! free Willy!”
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she’s got her own zip code
– Yo Mama’s so fat, people jog around her for exercise
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…
– Yo Mama’s so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a “Caution! Wide Turn” sign.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she steps on a scale, it read “One at a time, please.”
– Yo Mama’s so fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people run to her and yell “Taxi!”
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when she tripped on 10th St., she landed on 22nd St..
– Yo Mama’s so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, if she was a superhero, she would be “incredible bulk.”
– Yo Mama’s so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she stepped on rainbow and made Skittles
– Yo Mama’s so fat, I guess we know what’s eating Gilbert Grape.
– Yo mama’s so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
– Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a talking scale, and it said “GET THE HELL OFF!!”
– Yo mama’s so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds
– Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on my cat’s tail, now I call him “Beaver”.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when I climbed on top of her, I burned my ass on the light bulb.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she’s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
– Yo mama’s so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
– Yo mama’s so fat, I ran around her twice, and got lost.
– Yo mama’s so fat, instead of wearing Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levis 1002’s.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she’s got more rolls than a bakery.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her as a new world.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she could sell shade.
– Yo mama’s so fat, that when God said “Let there be Light”, he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when I have sex with her, I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when she bends over, we go into daylight savings time.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.
– Yo mama’s so fat, she bumps into people when she’s sitting down.
– Yo mama’s so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, her butt has it’s own congressmen.
– Yo Mama’s so fat, she needs a boomerang to wear a belt.

Green side up

A woman calls a Contractor to her house to give her a bid on painting the interior of her house. She takes him into the first room and tells him that she wants it painted pale green.

The contractor writes something down on his notepad, goes over to the window and yells down “green side up”.

The homeowner takes him into the next room and tells him that she would like it painted rose colored.

The contractor again notes it on his note pad, goes over to the window and opens it. He then yells down “green side up”.

The woman was curious, but continued to show him the rest of the house.

In each room the contractor notes her color choice on his notepad and yells out the window “green side up”.

When the homeowner had completed the tour, she asked the contractor why he always yelled “green side up” when she told him her color choice, when the colors were all different.

He laughed and replied I have a crew of blondes across the street laying sod.