Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
He came home shit faced.
Author: admin
Sloganis Veritas
ABC “America’s Mickey Mouse Network”
Allstate “Sears-ious Insurance”
AOL “We’ve Got You by the Wires”
AT&T “No, WE’VE Got You by the Wires”
Burger King “Wait for It Your Way”
CBS “Welcome Home. Hey, Where the Hell Is Everyone?”
Chevrolet “GEO Whiz, We Like Toyota”
Chrysler “The Mercedes-Benz of American Cars”
Coca-Cola “New Coke Was Pepsi’s Idea”
Democratic National Party “Bill Clinton? Never Heard of Him”
Disney “Available in Stores for a Limited Time Only”
Eveready “Nothing Really Keeps on Going Forever”
Ford “Quality is Somebody Else’s Job”
Ernest & Julio Gallo: “We Will Have No Hangover before Its Time”
General Electric “We’re a Lot Like RCA”
Honda “Just As Good As Hyundai. Really”
IBM “Windows Is Just a Fad”
JERZEES “Fit to a T”
KIA “Killed in Action?”
Little Debbie Snackcakes “Our Name Says It All”
L’Oreal “I’m Worth It, and What’s It To Ya?”
Maytag “The Fix Is On”
McDonald’s “Did Somebody Say Cholesterol?”
Microsoft “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”
NBC “Formerly Known As Must See TV”
Nike “Just Do It and Get Arrested”
Norelco “Running Circles around Blades”
Old Navy “Can You Ever Forgive Us?”
Oscar Meyer “We Are NOT about Spelling”
Pepsi-Cola “That Clear Crap Was Coke’s Idea”
Pizza Hut “Nobody Beats Our Meat Lovers Special”
?Que Pasa? “Not Really a Name Brand”
RCA “Going to the Dogs”
Republican National Party “The Potatoe People”
Sony “We Just Can’t Top the Walkman”
Sprite “Obey Our Ads”
Seven-Up “Up Yours, Cola Bastards”
Subway “We Are Not Public Transportation, Dammit”
Toyota “Slightly Better Than Hyundai”
Unicorns “Sorry We Missed the Ark”
Volkswagen “Buyers Wanted. Hey, We’re Dying Out Here”
Whirlpool “Not Nearly As Wet As We Sound”
Xerox “The Original Copycats”
Young Again “We Wish”
Zebra “Sort of Like a Black and White Striped Horse”
Zerox “See Us at Xerox”
Hillary and…
Q: What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?
A: “They are both stuck-up cunts!”
Kermit the frog
Your momma is so ulgy she looked like Kermit the frog
You might be a college student if . . .
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
Letter from Bill Clinton Statue Committee
Bill Clinton Statue Committee
1040 Buffoon Street
Little Rock, AR 72205
Dear Friend:
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising 5
million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame
in Washington, DC.
This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was
not wise to place it beside George Washington who never told a lie, nor
beside Jesse Jackson who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could
never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it next to Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know
where he was, he returned not knowing where he had been, and he did it all
on borrowed money.
5,000 years ago Moses said, “Pack up your camel, pick up your shovel, move
your ass, and I will lead you to the promised land.”
5,000 years later FDR said, “Lay down your shovel, sit on your ass, light
up a camel for this is the promised land.”
This year Bill Clinton will steal your shovel, kick your ass, raise the
price of camels, and mortgage the promised land. If you are one of the
fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a
generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Fraternally,
Bill Clinton Statue Committee
Singing
one day mrs. flatnose was getting ready for work when all of a sudden she heard a high piched voice singing when so she went up stairs to see what it was when she got up there she only saw her cat mrs.kitten so then she went back down then she heard it again so she went up then there is the kitty just sitting there so she picks up the kitty and says with a smile do you know who was singing that the kitten smiles.she gaspes with fear she falls and faints the kitty sings some xmas songs as she laid there
the end
Drunken Stupa
There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When
the bar closes he gets up to go home.
He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get
out of he door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by.
He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face.
The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say
anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun
hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in
the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall.
By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over
her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, “Not
feeling too strong tonight, are you, Batman!”
Holyfield-Tyson III
Have you heard that Holyfield-Tyson III is going to be held in Tennessee?
Don King’s calling it the Chattanooga Chew Chew.
Wink Wink
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a
sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks
over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated
from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and
your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without
a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly
visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking
will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…we can’t hire
you.”
“But wait,” he said. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”
“Really? Great! Show me!”
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins
pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms,
ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he
finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills,
and stops winking.
“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but
this is a respectable company, and we will not have our
employees womanizing all over the country!”
“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”
“Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?”
“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy,
winking, and asked for aspirin?”
Pastys
There once was a cornish pasty on one side of the road.On the other side of the road was another pasty.the cornish pasty says to the other pasty “hello jimmy!” The other pasty says”me names not jimmy stupid its beefy”
Q: How many rec.humor
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and over again and still no one notices it’s been changed so they change it again and again and then they even discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it in rec.humor.d.