Star Trek Carols
Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of ”Let It Snow”)
Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go–
Make it so, make it so, make it so!
William Riker: (to the tune of ”Deck the Halls”)
Here’s a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I’m number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Wesley Crusher: (to the tune of ”God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)
I’m at Starfleet Academy,
And I’d just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day–
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I’m bright, though I’m just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favourite toy!
Data: (to the tune of ”Jingle Bells”)
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh–
or so I am reliably informed lacking a subjective
and intuitively perceived referent for the term ”fun,”
I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the–
yes, sir.
Worf: (to be to the tune of ”White Christmas”)
I’m dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think they’ve hidden,
But this one didn’t,
And I’m using him as bait.
I’m dreaming of a dead Pakled–
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame–
And I hope you’re wishing me the same!