What did the blonde say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking, I’m going to eat the banana!
Author: admin
Now he’s in trouble
A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?”To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and said with a very loud voice, “I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going.”The man then turned to his wife and yelled “Shut up stupid!” The policeman continued, “And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the speed limit is only 30.” His wife then leaned forward again and squawked “I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me.”And again the man shouted at his wife “Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!”The policeman then looked at the woman and said “does he always talk to you this way?”To which the woman responed, “Only when he has been drinking.”
Exxon/Mobil deal
In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the
latest mergers we can expect to see:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace
Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
2. PolyGram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become
Polly-Warner-Cracker.
3. 3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
4. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
5. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to
become Zip Audi Do Da.
6. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I’m Home.
7. Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine, All
Mine.
8. Knott’s Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to
become Knott NOW.
Erotic sex or kinky sex?
What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken
New to the country
A man who had just moved out to the country decides to start a farm. He goes to one nearby farmer and asks to buy a chicken from him.
The farmer tells the man that they don’t call them chickens here, “We say pullets.”
Then the man selects a donkey. The farmer says, “We don’t call them donkeys. Here we say, asses. And, by the way, if he ever stops on you, why just hit him a few times.”
Then the man asks for one more animal. He asked for a rooster.
The farmer says, “We also have a slang name for them. We call them cocks.”
The man was walking home, down the road with his three new animals, when all of a sudden the donkey stops in the middle of the road.
A woman is also walking down the street and he asks her if she will do a favor for him.
She says, “Sure, what do you need?”
The man replies, “Can you hold my cock and pullet… while I slap my ass?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Hillary’s High School Boyfriend
Bill and Hillary were driving through Little Rock, and when they
passd by a gas station a big man yelled, “Hi Hillary.” And
Hillary said, “Hi Bubba.” Bill asked, “Who was that?” And
Hillary told him it was a old high school boyfriend. Bill said,
“See if you married him you would be married to a gas station
attendant, but you married me now you’re the first lady.” And
Hillary told him, “If I married him he would be the president,
and you would be the gas station attendant.”
The Truth!
Q: What is the REAL reason men love blowjobs so much?
A: Women can’t talk and suck at the same time!
In a department store:…
In a department store:
“Stock up and save!
Limit one per customer.”
The Old and the Young Nun
A young nun joined a church to serve God. She was very religious
and very good. It all happened one day, she suddenly had this
desire to have sex. She knew it’s wrong but she couldn’t help
it. Confused, she consulted with an elder nun for solution.
The old nun handed her a gun and said, “My young one, in this
sort of situation, you can go somewhere, where nobody can find
you, and fire a blank shot from the gun. It’ll ease your desire.”
The Young Nun didn’t believe it, but she thought, what could be
worse? So she found herself a place and shot the gun.
Mysteriously, the desire had vanished. The young nun thanked the
Old nun.
Days after days, week after weeks, the desire started to grow
stronger and stronger. The young nun started to fire the gun
more and more. She couldn’t help it. Disturbed, she wondered why
the old nun seemed to have no sexual desire or whatsoever. She
decided to investigate.
One afternoon after lunch, the young nun followed the old nun
until she went back to her room. After hours of waiting, the old
nun came out with a huge backpack, sneaking out the church. The
curious young nun followed her.
The old nun stopped at the tip of the hill behind the church.
The young nun hid behind a bush and observed. To her horror, the
old nun grabbed two assault rifles from the pack, and started
firing, with a grenade launcher ready at hand.
Sonny Bono
What did the tree say when sonny bono hit it?
I GOT YOU BABE!!!!!!
When Hell freezes
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was waiting for him.
After reviewing his records, Saint Pete decided to let him in.
“Follow me” he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete’s keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys.
That was something the gay man just couldn’t resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Pete was furious. “If you do that again, you’ll go straight to hell! But follow me, we’re almost there.”
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him.
Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up.
The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him.
Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava.
In one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off.
“Why is it so god damn cold down here?” Pete asks.
“Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!” The devil replied.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Top 10 Rejected Kid’s Video Games
“Mommy, mommy! look at all those $2 video games at the back of
K-Mart! Can you get me some?” The voice of an innocent child who
does not know what he is getting himself into. He has entered…
The Reject Zone!
Here are some rejects for your viewing pleasure. Heehee!
10. Barney goes through puberty (and i always thought he was
hairless!)
9. Drunk airplane pilot 4: descent (bubba ain’t done with his
damn 40 yet!)
8. Dungeon Peeper (you hornball, you!)
7. Sonic the Hedgehog discovers how to use a gun (finaly! i’m
sick of his damn non-violent actions! blood, gore, blood
gore!!!! oh um, excuse me, got a little carried away there)
6. Mario and the evil hermaphrodite colony from venus (oooooh! a
new definition of masturbation!)
5. How to masturbate for dummies (yes, yes, i know, you learned
the hard way)
4. Sim amoeba (look at those germs go!)
3. The Tellitubbies disover they’re gay (i knew all along)
2. Whorehouse raid (lookin’ for a good time, sailor?)
And finally,
1. Barbie misses her period (a classic)
Personally, my favorite is Dungeon Peeper (very graphic). But
don’t take my word for it! Waste your own money on these
wonderfully explicit, cheap, (and fake) games!