What is Bill Clinton’s favorite web browser?
Microsoft Intern Exploiter
Author: admin
Bush!!!
Why can’t the president plat chess?
Because the torn down his towers
Anatomy Class
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class.
The subject of the day was involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”
“Sure.” she said.
“He’s at home, taking care of the kids.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Sex Like A Convenience Store
Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?
There’s not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning!
Engineers Choice
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
“Where did you get such a great bike?” asked the first.
The second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want. ”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Question answer
What lights up a football stadium?A football match! If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?Cornflakes! Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?Because there is no atmosphere!
Demerit System used by Women
For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is. In
the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do
something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points
are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects…
Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point
system.
Simple Duties
You make the bed…………………………………………..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows………0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…………………..-1
You leave the toilet seat up………………………………..-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty………………0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…….-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night …………………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing……………0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something………..+5
You pummel it with a six iron…………………………..+10
It’s her father……………………………………….-10
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party…..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy…….-2
Named Tiffany……………….-4
Tiffany is a dancer………….-6
Tiffany has implants…………-8
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner…………………………….0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
Okay, it is a sports bar……………………………..-2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night………………………..-3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team………………-10
Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely……………………-20
You forget your anniversary………………………….-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station…………..-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey……………………….-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast……………-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal …………………………………..-5
And the pal is happily married ……………………….-4
Or frighteningly single ……………………………..-7
And he drives a Mustang……………………………..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) …………-15
You have a few beers…………………………………-9
And miss curfew by an hour…………………………..-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn’t call…………-20
You get home at 3 am………………………………..-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ..-40
Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
work……………..+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real
late……….+10
You wait up………………………………………………+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed…+20
A Night Out
You take her to a movie…………………………………..+2
You take her to a movie she likes………………………….+4
You take her to a movie you hate ………………………….+6
You take her to a movie you like…………………………..-2
It’s called DeathCop 3……………………………………-3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ………-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it’s expected………………… 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ….+20
You give her wildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself ……+30
And she contracts Lyme disease…………………………….-25
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly………………………….-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it….+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts…….-30
You say “I don’t give a damn because you have one too”………-800
Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical…………….-5
Something she can’t use…………………………………..-10
Such as a motorized model airplane………………………….-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday………………-40
Driving
You lost the directions on a trip………………………….-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost…………….-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ……………..-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
personal………-25
You know them…………………………………………..-60
The Big Question
She asks, “Do I look fat?” ……………………………….-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding……………………………….-10
You reply, “Where?”………………………………………-35
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression…………..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……….+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep……………-20
Water into Wine
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
The minister says, “Just water.”
The sheriff says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, “Good Lord, He’s done it again!”
Bye, Bye, Bill
As his tenure has ended, let’s all take a moment to ponder the question, “Are
we going to miss him?”.
�Jennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Bill Clinton was anything
like the Monica Lewinski affair. She supposedly replied, “Close but no cigar.”
�The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica’s dress:
“Presidue”.
�President Clinton now only recruits interns from only four colleges:
Moorhead, Oral Roberts, Ball State and Brigham Young.
�Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal
from a donkey to a condom, because it represents inflation, halts production,
and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed.
�Washington has come up with a solution for the Clinton situation. They added
the 11th commandment: “Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.”
�Arkansas is very proud of Bill Clinton. All these women coming forward and
not one of them is his sister!
�Hillary Clinton goes to a fortune teller who says, “Prepare to become a
widow. Your husband will soon suffer a violent death.” Hillary takes a deep
breath and asks, “Will I be acquitted?”
Puss in Boots
One night Little Billy wanted his mum to read him a story . She read him a story about Puss in boots. The next day at school the teacher said “Now Billy what did you read last night?” Billy replied “Piss in boots”
Terminal Irish Man
An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long
illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and
looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve got some bad news for
you…you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you
two weeks to a month.” Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news,
but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from
the doctor’s office into the waiting room.
There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, “Son, we
Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things
don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have
cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for
the pub and have a few pints.”
After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less
somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were
eventually approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked
what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish
celebrate the good and the bad…He went on to tell them that
they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends
“I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with
AIDS.” The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a
couple more beers.
After his friends left, Murphy’s son leaned over and whispered
his confusion, “Dad I thought you said that you were dying from
cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from
AIDS?” Murphy said, “I am dying from cancer son, I just don’t
want any of them sleeping with your mother.”
Some people cause happiness wherever
Some people cause happiness wherever they go;
Others, whenever they go.