Yours Fun Portal !
Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
“Why are you crying?” asked the little boy.
“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, “I’m here for a urine test.”
What were some of the things listed on Monica’s job description?
Worked in various positions under a high government official … become
familiar with White House (ceilings) … get paid by the piece.
Two men were down on their luck and decided to paint houses to earn some extra money. To start their business they asked the rabbi of a local synagogue if he would be interested in their service. He agreed and the men went out to buy the paint.
As they drove to the paint store they decided that they would mix half paint and half water to try to increase their profits. When they finished the job they called the rabbi outside to look at their work. “It looks wonderful,” the rabbi said and as he started to hand them the check a small raincloud appeared.
All at once there was lightning and thunder and the temple area was drenched with rain. As the rain hit the synagogue the paint started running. Suddenly, as the three of them stood there in disbelief, a voice from heaven said … “Repaint and thin no more.”
Question: What’s the biggest pencil in the World?
Answer: Pennsylvania!
A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s
office. After the exam, she shyly said, ”My husband wants me to ask you…,”
to which the doctor replies, ”I know, I know,” placing a reassuring hand on
her shoulder. ”I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the
pregnancy.”
”No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed. ”He wants to know if I can still
mow the lawn.”
Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxaphone?
To play the whore monica.
We’ll this joke is very annoying this is how it goes,
ok pete and repeat were walking along a river Pete fell in whos
left? repeat! and then they repeat it i hate that joke! c ya!
Princess Sarah
Drive – Getting home during most of the winter to your wood stove
On day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said “Say your ABCs first”
The boy started saying “A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z”
The teacher asked at the end “Where is your P?”
The boy answered “Running down my pants!!”
Yo Mama is so fat that each of her buttcheaks are in a different
zip code!
To the citizens of the united states of america:
in light of your failure to elect a president of the usa and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today.
her sovereign majesty queen elizabeth ii will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. except utah, which she does not
fancy. your new prime minister (the rt. hon. tony blair, mp for the 97.85% of
you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders)
will appoint a minister for america without the need for further elections.
congress and the senate will be disbanded. a questionnaire will be circulated
next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
to aid in the transition to a british crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. you should look up “revocation” in the oxford english dictionary.
then look up “aluminium” . check the pronunciation guide. you will be amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
look up “vocabulary”. using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient
form of communication. look up “interspersed”.
2. there is no such thing as “us english”. we will let microsoft know on your
behalf.
3. you should learn to distinguish the english and australian accents. it
really isn’t that hard.
4. hollywood will be required occasionally to cast english actors as the good
guys.
5. you should relearn your original national anthem, god save the queen, but
only after fully carrying out task 1. we would not want you to get confused and
give up half way through.
6. you should stop playing american football. there is only one kind of
football. what you refer to as american football is not a very good game. the
2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have
noticed that no one else plays american” football. you will no longer be allowed
to play it, and should instead play proper football.
initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. it is a difficult
game. those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which
is similar to american football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). we are hoping
to get together at least a us rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. you should declare war on quebec and france, using nuclear weapons if they
give you any merde. the 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world
outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. the russians have never been
the bad guys. merde is french for “s***”
8. july 4th is no longer a public holiday. november 8th will be a new national
holiday, but only in england. it will be called indecisive day.
9. all american cars are hereby banned. they are crap and it is for your own
good. when we show you german cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. please tell us who killed jfk. it’s been driving us crazy.
thank you for your cooperation.
yo mama so fat she cant even jump to conclusion