Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Author: admin
Timbucktwo
There was a teacher who wanted two boys to make up a sentence with timbucktwo.
Firstboy:
me and my mum went on holiday to timbucktwo.
Teacher:
very well done.
secondboy:
Me and my mate tim were walking down the street and saw three ladies I bucked one and timbuckedtwo
PANTS
DOCTOR DOCTOR I THINK I NEEDE GLASSES
YOU CERTENLY DO SIR THIS IS A FLOWER SHOP
The big fish
A guy was fishing in lake near Philadelphia .Sudently he catches a small fish . He felt sorry for it an threw it into the lake .Later , when he went back home and told his wife what he did she said :”It doesn’t matter honey , I will buy one some from the surpermarket “
So she did and then he washed the dishes !
What are the pictures?
A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, “Who are all those men in the pictures?”The usher replied, “Why, those are our boys who died in the service”.Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, “Was that the morning service or the evening service?”
A nun arrives at the local bar
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. “You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. “How do you know this, Sister?” “My Mother Superior told me so.””But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?” “Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself” “Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life” “How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!” “I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. “Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?””Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Why is Ray Charles always
Why is Ray Charles always smiling?
He doesn’t know he is black!
Man Named Furniture
What piece of furniture was named after the typical man?
The La-Z-Boy recliner.
Bill Gates dies
Bill Gates dies and is at the pearly gates talking with Saint Peter. Saint
Peter says, “Bill, you’ve done some wonderful things in your life and have
earned the right to choose where you’ll spend the rest of eternity. You can
choose between Heaven and Hell, but choose wisely.”
Bill looks over Saint Peter’s shoulder between the pearly gates and sees
nothing but a lush green meadow. Deciding to heed Saint Peter’s words, Bill asks
if he could take a look at Hell. Saint Peter agrees and sends Bill to Hell. The
Devil greets Bill at the gates of Hell and he is immediately taken aback. Much
to his surprise, there’s one heck of a party going on. People are dancing, the
alcohol is flowing, music is non-stop and everyone is having a blast. Bill
returns to Heaven to again discuss his decision with Saint Peter.
He again looks over Saint Peter’s shoulder and sees only a lush green meadow.
Bill says to Saint Peter, “I’ve put a lot of thought into this decision and it
may sound foolish, but I’d like to spend the rest of eternity in Hell.”
Saint Peter fulfills Bill’s request and returns him to Hell. When Bill gets
back to Hell there’s been a big change. People are writhing in agony, flames are
burning, and moans of pain and despair are everywhere. Bill, being quite shocked
at the sight asks the Devil, “What happened?? I was just down here a little
while ago and everyone was having a great time!” The Devil says, “Oh that…
That was just the demo!”
Becky estaba en su lecho
Becky estaba en su lecho de muerte. Su esposo, Jake, manten�a constante vigilia a su lado. �l sosten�a su fr�gil mano, y mientras las l�grimas rodaban por sus mejillas, �l oraba por su esposa.
Ella lo mir� y sus p�lidos labios comenzaron a moverse quedamente:
“Mi amado Jake” susurr�.
“Calla mi amada” dijo �l “Descansa. Shhh. No hables.”
Ella, insistentemente, dijo con cansada voz:
“Tengo algo que confesarte”.
“No hay nada que confesar” dijo sollozante Jake “Todo est� bien,duerme…”
“No, no, yo debo morir en paz, Jake. Yo me acost� con tu hermano, tu mejor amigo y tu padre.”
“Ya lo s�” replic� Jake ” …�por eso te envenen� !”
Just because a doctor has
Just because a doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he
knows what it is.
Blondes
lp;