The judge in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial selected 250 candidates for the jury pool, which Jackson himself has selected 20 for the kiddie pool.
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Golfing out of Bound
A couple were out golfing one fine day when the woman’s golf
ball lands in the woods. She found the ball in a patch of pretty
yellow buttercups. Trying to get her ball back in play, shed
ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
Suddenly an angelic woman is standing in front of her, “I am
Mother Nature.” she says, “You just destroyed some poor
buttercups and for that you shall pay. From now on you won’t be
able to stand the taste of any thing with butter, and will feel
nauseated every time you see it.” With that she disappeared as
quickly as she came.
When she came out of the woods she her husband has disappeared.
She screams from him and his replied was, “Honey, my ball landed
in some pussy willows…” As soon as she hears that the woman
screams, “Don’t swing! For God sake, DON’T SWING!!!”
Little XXX Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was already to take lunch over to her grandmothers when her mother had handed her a shotgun.”Now, little red, you must be careful of the Big Bad Wolf,” her mother explained.”He will lift up your little red dress and pull down your little red panties, and screw your little red socks off.””Ok, I will mother.”red assured her.While going down the trail out came the big bad wolf just like her mother had warned.”Little Red Riding Hood! I’m going to lift you little red dress up, pull down your little red panties, and screw your little red socks off!”Well with no hesitation, the wolf pulled up Little Red Riding Hood’s little red dress and pulled down Little Red Riding Hood’s little red panties, but just then with a clam and collected look, Little Red Riding Hood points the shot gun to the Big Bad Wolf’s head and says, “Your not going to screw my little red socks off. Your going to EAT me just like the book says!”
Will You Remember Me Tomorrow?
Will you remember me tomorrow?
(Yes)
Willyou remember me in a week?
(Yes)
Will you remember me in a month?
(Yes)
Will you remember me in a year?
(Yes)
Will you remember me in five years?
(Yes)
Knock knock
(Who’s there?)
See? You forgot me already!
Why is bra singular and
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
The appointment
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, ”I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, ”Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”
The blonds haircut
one day a blone whent in to a hairdressers wearing headphones, she told the hairdresser to cut her hair. He said
“sure, can i take off your headphones?” She said
“NO NO NO just cut around them. so she had her hair cut.
The next month she whent into the Hairdressers wearing headphones and asked the hairdresser to cut her hair. He said
“sure but can i take off your headphones?” she again said
“NO NO NO just cut around them. So she had her hair cut.
The next month she whent into the hairdressers wearing headphones and asked the hairdresser to cut her hair. Unfortunatelly for her the hairdresser was new and forgot to ask if he was allowed to take off her headphones. So he took them off and she dropped dead on the floor. He picked up the headphones and put them to his own ears and listened. They were saying
“breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.”
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?A: A blonde parade.
You’re a redneck … your mom gives you
You’re a redneck if…. Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into
sporting events.
The Drunk Poem
Starkle, starkle, little twink,
who the hell are you I think?
I’m not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol.
I’m just a little slort of sheep,
I’m not drunk like thinkle peep.
I don’t know who is me yet,
but the drunker I stand here,
the longer I get.
So, just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
cause I got all day sober to Sunday up.
Are You My Father
A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says to her husband, “For our anniversary this year, you can ask me one question, any question you want too! and I will answer it truthfully.”
The husband replies, “Okay, this has been bothering me for a long time, but I haven’t had the courage to ask before… I have noticed that all of our eight children look similar to one another except one. I can’t figure out how he got to look so different. Did he have a different father than the rest?”
The wife stops. She is unable to look her husband in the eyes. Slowly she replies, “Yes, he did have a different father.”
Her husband was taken aback. “Oh! Okay… I must know. Please tell me. Who was that child’s father?”
Again she cannot look her husband in the eyes. She is very distressed and after a long silence she slowly said, “YOU”.
World?!?!?! End!?!?!?!?
The World is coming to a end. The best rapper is white and the
best golfer is black and the best volyball player is indian.