Author: admin

Poachers’ Revenge

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The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . .

After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: “Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”

Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made.

The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: “Now there are two!”

3 Wishes and the Mother In Law

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There once was a man who traveled to a strange foreign country,
and while he was there he found a strange old lamp of some sort.
When he got home he polished off the lamp, and out came a genie.
Then the genie said “I’ll give you three wishes, but on one
condition, your mother in law gets twice as much as you wish.”

So the man decided for his first wish that he wanted 1 billion
dollars, so his mother in law (who lived across the street) got
2 billion dollars. For the man’s second wish he decided that he
wanted to have a 200 room mansion, so his mother in law got a
400 room mansion. For the man’s last wish, he took a long time
to think it out, and then he said to the genie, “I wish you
choked me half to death.”

Haha! Click here you WONT regret it!

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One day a little girl came up to her mom and said, “Why did you and daddy get devorced?”
And the mother replied “Lets talk about this later hunny” So the girl went to investigate,
She came back later and said, “I found you licence! I know why you divored!!”
The mother said, “Oh? Why?”
The girl blurted out “CUZ… YOU GOT AN F IN SEX!”

A Love Story: Which Girl Do I Marry?

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A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced
with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of
them one thousand dollars.

The first girl went for a complete hair and face make over, new
clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look
saying, “I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why?
Because I love you, dear.”

The second girl returned with new hockey and golf equipment, a
new stereo, VCR, and month’s supply of beer saying, “I bought all
these things for you. They’re my gifts to you, because I love
you so.”

The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly
doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which
continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the
young man saying, “I have taken your money and made it grow as an
investment in our future together. That’s how much I love you, my
dear.”

The young man was very impressed by all of their responses. He
then gave long and careful consideration and finally married the
one with the biggest breasts.

A Round of Golf

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A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.” Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also. What do you sell?”

She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.” “No, I won’t.”

“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!”

25 more things you will never here a women say

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1. You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me.

2. I know I’m sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!

3. This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.

4. Don’t get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wetspot

5. Don’t dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse

6. That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno’s again?

7. I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy.

8. You’re my daddy, you’re my daddy!

9. The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

10. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!

11. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they’ll still cover.

12. Bar food again!? Kick ass.

13. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your Ex girlfriend has class.

14. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am, Cool, I’m gonna go over and talk to her.

15. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.

16. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentines day!

17. Let’s just leave the toilet seat “up” at all times, then you don’t have to mess with it anymore.

18. I’ve decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want ’em?

19. It’s only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

20. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie’s bare ass!

21. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

22. I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.

23. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya’ big silly!

24. You are so much smarter than my father.

25. If we’re not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter.

Geronimo

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An Irishman joined the American Air Force and was making his first parachute jump.

The instructor said, “When you jump out of the plane, shout Geronimo and pull the ripcord.”

When the Irishman woke up in hospital a few days later the first thing he said was, “What was the name of that Indian again?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing