Q: What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?
A: “Show me the honey!”
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo, Tantilazing and yisman
Author: admin
Pack their lunch
Q: what do blondes do with their a******* in the morning?
a: pack their lunch and send them to work.
Psychiatrists’ CYKOLOGEE…
Q: How two Psychiatrist greet each other?
A: You are fine. How am I?
Closed for winter
Did you bear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their
car at the drive-in movie theatre?
They went to see ‘Closed for Winter’.
A Sad Tale
Three fine Irish lads, O’Rourke, O’Malley and O’Donnell, worked together at the local brewery. One day, as fate would have it, O’Rourke fell into one of the beer vats and drowned. O’Malley and O’Donnell, completely crestfallen, had to break the news to his wife.
They went ’round the Widow O’Rourke’s house and informed her that her poor dear Patrick had drowned in a beer vat that very day. Choking back her tears, she asked them “Tell me now, did me poor Patty suffer much?”
“I don’t think so,” replied O’Donnell. “He climbed out twice to take a piss.”
Anything for golf
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation
takes place.
First Guy: “You guys have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing today. I had to promise my wife that I’d build her a new deck for the
pool.”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky. I had to promise my wife that I’d paint every room
in the house next weekend.”
Third Guy: “You guys have it easy. I had to promise my wife that I’d remodel
the kitchen for her.”
They continue to play the hole when they realize that the fourth guy hadn’t
said anything. So they ask him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to
do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?”
Fourth Guy: “I just set my alarm for 5:30AM. When it goes off, I turn it off,
nudge my wife and say “Golf course or intercourse?” She says “Don’t forget your
sweater.”
A quote on marriage
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
The average American spends six
The average American spends six hours a day watching a TV.
The average Japanese person spends one hour a day making six TVs.
Baking Cake
A mom, dad, and daughter were camping in the woods one weekend
and the daughter saw a couple having sex in the woods. The
daughter asked her mom what they were doing. The mom answered, “
They’re baking cake.”
The following week the daughter asked the mother if her and her
dad were baking cake last night. The mom asked ,”How did you
know that?” The little girl said ,”Because i licked the frosting
off the couch.”
G-strings
Knock -Knock
Who’s there ?
Icy
Icy who ?
Icy (I see) you G -strings
Carpentry errors. . .
A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ‘No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,’ he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ‘Here,’ she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. ‘I found them in the hallway.’ ‘Now,’ she said, ‘if only I could find my parakeet. ‘
Un d�a iban saliendo seis
Un d�a iban saliendo seis marineros en un barco del Muelle Nacional, pero les hacia falta uno mas as� que decidieron llamar a Pedro.
Al rato lleg� Pedro y por fin pudieron salir en su traves�a. Al d�a siguiente de haber salido, Pedro llama al capit�n aparte y le pregunta:
“Capit�n, Capit�n Necesito decirle algo.”
“Que es dime”, contesta el capit�n.
“Lo que pasa es que la traves�a va a ser muy larga y estaba pensando que no podr� tener sexo, y eso me va a matar capit�n, como hago, porque mi pito se me va a morir.”
“No te preocupes Pedro nosotros no somos tan tontos, hace mucho tiempo nos dimos cuenta de ese problema y ya lo hemos solucionado. Mira Pedro �ves aquel barril que est� all�? Bueno, ese barril tiene un agujero por la parte trasera y nosotros cuando no resistimos, cogemos el barril y le metemos el pito por el agujero. Pero hay un problema Pedro, puedes mamarte el barril las veces que quieras, a la hora que quieras, menos los Jueves �ok?”
“Bueno, Capit�n, pero, �por qu� los jueves? �qu� pasa los jueves, Capitan? �por qu� no puedo mamar me al barril los jueves?”
“No Pedro, es que los jueves te toca a ti dentro del barril.”