Why did the chicken cross half way across the road?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Author: admin
Just Among Us Girls
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge.
The first lady says, “You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.”
The second lady says, “Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don’t worry, I have never made a play for your husbands. They don’t interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long.”
“Well,” says the third lady, “I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not bother you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship.”
The fourth lady stands up, says, “I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!”
Yo momma
Yo momma so damn heavy that when she stands on the scales to get weighed it says “TO BE CONTINUED!”
Jerry Ford and Al Gore
What do Jerry Ford and Al Gore have in common?
They both got promoted because of crooked dicks.
�Por qu� la mujer vale
�Por qu� la mujer vale m�s que el hombre?
Situaci�n econ�mica de la mujer:
1. Tiene dos gl�ndulas mamarias que producen 2 l de leche (81 pesetas c/l, son 162 pesetas).
2. Dos jamones de pierna (360 pesetas c/u, son 720 pesetas).
3. Un pan bien grande (135 pesetas c/u, son 135 pesetas).
Total 1.017 pesetas.
Situaci�n econ�mica del hombre:
1. Un pl�tano (18 pesetas c/u, son 18 pesetas).
2. Dos huevos (13 pesetas c/u, son 26 pesetas).
3. Dos gl�ndulas mamarias que no producen nada: 00.00.
Total 44 pesetas
Adem�s, el hombre produce p�rdidas: sus huevos no son comestibles y su pajarito ni siquiera canta.
Divert Your Course
This is an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the US Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians:
Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians:
No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE TAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians:
This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Yo momma is soo FAT!!!
Your momma is so fat when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, the employees put a gigantic cover over the Pacific Ocean!!!
Formal Wedding
Description of a formal redneck wedding.The bride’s father carries a white shotgun, her brothers, uncles, neighbors and former lovers wear clean jeans and flannel shirts, polish their boots, remove their “hats” (caps)during the ceremony, spit out their tobacco or snuff, and fill up the tank of the groom’s “pick-em-up” truck, after removing the “I love My Truck” bumper sticker.
50/50 Relationship
How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
Women cook, men eat;
women clean, men get dirty;
women iron, men wrinkle.
The bad-mouthed parrot!
An old man died and left his talking parrot to his nephew.
Unfortunately, the old man’s language was not the cleanest, and it would seem that the parrot picked up on this. The nephew did not like this, and tried to break the parrot of its swearing habit. He tried everything. He played religious music, he was kind to the bird, he spent long hours trying to teach it manners. Finally, one day, he became so frustrated, he threw the parrot into the freezer.
“There,” he said. “Maybe he’ll cool off in there.”
For the first few seconds, the parrot swore a blue streak inside that freezer. Then, suddenly, the parrot fell silent.
A few moments later, the nephew heard from within the freezer, “If you would be so kind as to let me out, I promise to rectify my unsavory vocabulary.”
Shocked and surprised, the nephew quickly opened the door and removed the chilly but sedate bird. Before he could say anything, however, the parrot spoke.
“If you don’t mind, may I ask what the chicken did?”
Ballerina at the Bar
A rough looking women in her fifties was sitting ay a bar. She
had incredibly hairy armpits so whenever she raised her arm to
order a drink a massive hair was visible to all of her fellow
drinkers. At closing time a drunk at the far end of the bar
pointed to the women and said to the bartender Id like to buy
the ballerina a drink.
Shes not a ballerina said the bartender. What makes you think
she is a ballerina?
The drunk replied: Any girl that can lift her legs that high has
to be a ballerina.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll?A: You pull a little ring and it never tells the same story twice!