Author: admin

5 steps to peeing

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Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. “Now you lissen good, Dan’l, ‘cuz here’s whatcha gotta do.

One: Take out your penie-pipe.

Two: Pull back the foreskin.

Three: Pee.

Four: Push back your foreskin.

Five: Put your equipment back.”

The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe’s wife came running over. “Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan’l went ta piss an’ won’t come out of the outhouse!”

“Hell, whut’s he doin’ in there?” Joe said.

I dunno. He jess keeps sayin’ “Two-four, two-four, two-four……”

Never Went Hunting

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City-boy Todd went to visit his friend Tom in the country. “You
look pale,” Tom said. “You need some sun. Why don’t you take my
rifle and my two Retrievers and go do some hunting?” Todd had
never hunted before, but decided to do as his friend suggested.
Fifteen minutes later, he was back. “That was fun!” Todd gushed.
“So why’d you come back?” Tom asked. “I need more dogs to hunt,”
Todd said.

THE BRIBE

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An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over
next to him.
“If you get in the car,” the driver says, “I’ll give you $10 and a piece of
candy.”
The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car
pulls over again. “How about $20 and two pieces of candy?”
The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road.
“OK,” he says, “this is my final offer. I’ll give you $50 and all the candy
you can eat.”
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. “Look,” he says to the
driver. “You bought the Ford, Dad. You’ll have to live with it!”

k9 Film Critic

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A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??” “Yes,” she replied, “I found it very unusual …because he hated the book!”