How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Author: admin
Bowling Ball
Yo mama like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, trown
down a dark alley, and she still comes back for more.
The road to to success
The road to to success is always under construction.
How Much Is A Trick?
A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent.
The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.
“Twenty bucks a trick!”
These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent.
Once inside he displays his naivet� by asking the Mother Superior, “What is a trick?”
She answers, “Twenty bucks — just like on the street.”
Beer Festival
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says “Hey Sen~or, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.”The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.”He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says “Give me a Coke.”The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?”The Guinness president replies “Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.”
Blonde at Best Buy
A blonde goes to Best Buy and looks at the TVs. An employee
comes over and asks if she needs help. The blonde replies, “Yes,
I would like to you to show me what all these buttons do.” The
employee cringes at her dumbness, but he remembers that she is,
after all, a blonde, and shows her the buttons.
He begins, “This is the volume button. It makes the sound louder
or softer. This is the channels button. It changes the channels.
And this is the power button. It turns the TV off or on…” The
blonde interrupts, “But what if I’m trying to turn the TV off
and it turns it on instead?”
Bermuda Triangle
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They’ve both swallowed a lot of semen.
Vegas
A blonde walks up to a coke machine in Vegas. She puts in some
quarters, out pops a coke, she puts is some more quarters. She
keeps doing this, time and time again. Eventually a man comes up
behind her and wants to use the machine. He waits patiently for
a while and then finally taps her on the shoulder. “Excuse me
Miss, can I use the machine?” The blonde turns around and says,
“Fuck off, can’t you see I’m winning?!”
At the Last Minute
An elderly man by the name of Mr. MacIntosh was laying on his deathbed, with
his son at his bedside.
The old man said suddenly, “It’s time! Send for the Minister.”
The dying man said, “The Minister! Dad, I think you mean the priest. We are
devout Catholics.”
“Get the Minister! Get the Minister!” the dying man repeated agitatedly.
“Dad, your illness must be affecting your mind,” the son replied, patting his
father on the shoulder. “I will call the priest.”
The old man insisted, “If you have ANY love for your father, you will do as I
have asked.”
So, reluctantly, the son did his father’s bidding, and soon thereafter, the
Minister arrived and converted the old man to the Protestant faith. Moments
later, the parish priest knocked on the door.
The son said, “Father, I am afraid you are too late. The Minister has already
been here.”
The priest rushed over to the old man’s beside and he asked in dismay, “HOW
could you do it? WHY did you do it?”
The old man looked up and replied, “Well, Father, I figured that if someone
had to die, better one of them than one of us.”
Chaos
Seems there were these three professionals sitting around talking about the oldest profession (not THAT one!). The Doctor says, “Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine.” The Engineer shakes his head and replies, “No, no. The Bible also says that God created the world out of void and chaos. To do that, God must surely have been an engineer. Therefore, Engineering is the oldest profession.” The Lawyer smiles smugly and leans discreetly forward. “Ah,” he says, “but who do you think created the Chaos?”
Syllables
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on
multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask
a few of the children examples of words with more than one
syllable.
“Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?”
“After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.”
“Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon……day”
“Does anyone know another word.”
“I do! I do!” replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny’s more mature sense of humor she picks Mike
instead.
“OK Mike, what is your word.”
“Saturday.” says Mike.
“Great, that has three syllables…”
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says “I know a four syllable
word. Pick me! Pick me!”
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the
teacher reluctantly says, “O.K. Johnny what is your four
syllable word?”
Johnny proudly says, “Mas…tur…ba…tion.”
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, “Wow,
Johnny. Four syllables! That’s certainly is a mouthful.”
“No Ma’am, you’re thinking of ‘blowjob’, that’s only two
syllables!”
Two bulls
On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field.
One says “Boy it’s mighty cold out here!”
The other replies “Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis