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When the milkman found a note on one of his customer’s doors asking
for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart, he rang the bell.
“Sorry to bother you, ma’am,” he said, “but are you sure you want
sixteen gallons of milk today?”
“Oh, yes,” said the lady of the house. “I’m going to take a milk bath.”
“Do you want it pasteurized?”
“No, just up to my tits would be fine.”
What’s the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
yo mammas so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone
yo mammasa so stupid she got hit by a parked car
yo mammas so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test:
5… 4… 3… 2… 1…
Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
A man is walking down a beach during sunset when he stumbles across a lamp. Picking it up he says to himself, “I wonder if it’s magic. I think I’ll rub it and find out.”
Well sure enough this man rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says to the man, “I’m your genie and I am at your command. I shall grant you three wishes on one condition. Everything you wish for, your wife gets double.”
Well the man thought about it and finally blurted out, “Give me a million dollars.” So the genie gave him a million dollars and his wife two million while reminding him of the “one condition”.
Next the man said, ” I’d like a house on the east coast and a house on the west coast.” So the genie gave him his two houses and his wife four houses.
Finally the genie said, “You have one wish remaining but remember, your wife gets double.”
So the man thought for nearly an hour about his final wish. Looking up at the genie hovering over the sand he said with a sly grin on his face, “Ok Genie, I want you to beat me half to death.”
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.Hard Drive: Getting’ home in the winter season.Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it’s his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.
The clerk says, “We don’t call ’em roosters, we call ’em cocks.”
“Okay” the man says. “I’ll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm.”
“We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk.”
“Okay, I’ll take those two things and a mule to carry them home.”
“We don’t call ’em mules, we call ’em asses and every time the ass stops walkin’, just scratch behind his ear.”
So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He’s walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.
The man sees a lady passing by and asks, “Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?”
An Indian Chief went down to the local trading post and the storekeeper asked him what he needed.
“Me needum butt wipe paper”.
“Well Chief”, the storekeeper said “we have 2 kinds”. “The first one is Charmin and it’s a buck a roll”, “but we have this other no-name brand that’s only 25 cents a roll”
“Me takum no-name” the Chief says. A week later the Chief goes back to the trading post and tells the shopkeeper, “Me haveum name for that paper”.
“Yeah Chief what’s the name” the storekeeper asks.
“Me callum John Wayne” the Chief replies.
“John Wayne” says the storekeeper, “why’s that”?
The Chief replies” this paper’s rough and tough and take no shit offun Indian”.
En un manicomio la enfermera entra a un cuarto y ve a un paciente actuando como si conduciera un auto.
La enfermera le pregunta, “Pedro, �qu� estas haciendo?” Y Pedro responde, “�Manejando a M�rida!” La enfermera le desea buen viaje y sale.
Al d�a siguiente, la enfermera entra al cuarto de Pedro justo cuando el para de conducir su auto imaginario y le pregunta, “Bueno, Pedro, �qu� haces?” Pedro responde, “Acabo de llegar a M�rida.”
La enfermera sale y va al cuarto de Manolo y lo encuentra sentado en su cama masturb�ndose.
Sorprendida, le pregunta, “Manolo, �qu� est�s haciendo?” Manolo responde, “�Estoy haciendo el amor con la esposa de Pedro mientras �l est� en M�rida!”
HUSBAND: “Would you like sex tonight? WIFE: “No” HUSBAND: “Are you sure”? WIFE: “Yes I’m sure.” HUSBAND: “Is that your final answer?” WIFE: “Yes it is.” HUSBAND: “In that case can i phone a friend”?
Barth went to Dr. Legget to get a cavity filled. He escorted Barth to
the chair and gave him some novocaine. Legget returned a few moments
later, told him to open wide, and then reached for his drill.
Suddenly the dentist stiffened and said to the man, “Mr. Barth, do
you realize your hand is clutching my testicles?”
“Certainly, Doctor,” he replied. “We’re not going to hurt each other,
are we?”