What do you say to a busload of lawyers crashing over a five hundred foot cliff? Got room for one more?
Author: admin
Healthy forest
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!”
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so good!”
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, “Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!”
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, “Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!”
The lion answers, “That little fucker! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he’s on ecstasy!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Signs Your Co-Worker is a Computer Hacker
Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President.”You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”
Un apostador le cuenta a
Un apostador le cuenta a su amigo sobre su primer visita a Las Vegas y sobre lo mucho que le cost� dormir en aquella oportunidad:
“Fui despertado a la una, a las dos, a las cuatro de la ma�ana por una corista borracha que gritaba como loca y golpeaba a mi puerta.”
“�Eso es terrible!, exclam� el amigo. “�C�mo dormir en una situaci�n as�…!”
“S�. A las cinco de la ma�ana finalmente tuve que dejarla salir…”
A Brief Visit to the
A man and his wife went to the doctor’s office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, ”What?” Again, the doctor said, ”I need a blood, urine and feces sample.” The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear: ”Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!”
AOL/TW Merger.
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
Time Magazine’s next “Man Of The Year” issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.
The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, “You cwazy wabbit, you’ve been onwine for 5 minutes and that’s way-y-y too long… we’re going to boot you off!”
The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, “Eh, what’s up Doc?” he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.
Un hombre va por la
Un hombre va por la calle con un perro sin patas, arrastrando al pobre animal.
Pasa al lado de una mujer “�Pobre animal! �Y como ha sido?”
“Nada, naci� as�, �qu� se va a hacer!”
“�Que l�stima! �Y c�mo se llama?”
“No tiene nombre”
“�Y eso?”
“Porque por mucho que le llame no va a venir”.
Finnegans wife
Finnegans wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him.
“Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.
“She spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said Finnegan.
The Rude Parrot
A man went to the pet store one day in the hopes of finding a
talking parrot. He looks around the store, and they have
everything, dogs, cats, turtles, even lizards. After wandering
around for a while he finds what appears to be the only parrot
in the store. He picks it up without a second thought and buys
it. As he is driving home the parrot is squawking and yelling
insults at him the whole way home. He gets home and trys
everything he can to get it to be quiet, he plays soft music,
talks nicely to it, reads stories, everything he can possibly
think of. The parrot is still cursing and squawking and being a
nuisance when the man finally loses his temper. He picks up the
bird and throws it into the freezer, where it lands among his
dinner and slams the door behind it. The bird is still making
noise and squawking around but after a few minutes it stops. The
man, worried that he has hurt it or killed it, quickly opens the
freezer and the parrot walks out onto his arm. The first thing
it says is, “Thank you so very much for letting me out of the
freezer.” The man, very puzzled, begins to ask the parrot why it
was being so polite when the parrot says, “May I ask what the
chicken did?”
A quote on marriage
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
Bran
A man takes his regular trip to the doctors. To his horror, his
doctor tells him he has acquired AIDS. The patient asks what he
should do, if he can be cured. The doctor simply tells him to
eat bran foods, prune juice, anything to get the poo flowing. So
the man does exactly as the doctor tells him.
A month later, the same man comes back to the clinic. With
confidence he may be cured, he asks the doctor. The doctor
laughs and says, “No, I just wanted you to know what your ass
was for!”
Mother’s Grey Hair
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, “So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”