You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.
Author: admin
The Church’s Ass
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and having been told that
there was a fortune to be made in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse
and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going price for a
horse was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. The preacher
decided that he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his
surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day, the racing sheets carried the following headline: PREACHER’S
ASS SHOWS.
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another
race, and this time it won. The headlines blared: PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
preacher to not enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this
headline: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS.
This was just too much for the bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get rid
of the animal. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a neighboring
village. The next day, the headlines announced: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. As soon as he was able, he informed the nun that she
would have to dispose of the donkey, and she finally found a farmer willing to
buy it for $10.
The paper announced the transaction as: NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS.
They buried the bishop the next day.
Knob
what is the diffeance between will young and a dishwasher
they both have knobs
Camping
Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.
At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “Wow, unbelievable!”
Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?”
Bob said, “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife.”
“How come?”
“To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my life!”
After a pause, Bill said, “Do you want me to come with you?”
“Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?”
“Because that’s my dick you’re holding!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Purchasing the brain
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.The doctor said, “Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman’s brain as well. It costs $50,000.”The client asked, “What? How’s that possible?”The doctor replied, “You see, it’s totally unused.”
A Husband That Cares
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ”I’m going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.”
The woman replied, ”Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?”
The man replied, ”No, I’m turning the heat off.”
A man is in a hotel lobby
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question and as he
turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman besides
knocking his elbow into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”
She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”
Oral Sex
Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the verandah of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa Rabinowitz rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, “Fuck you!”
Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, “Fuck you too!”
Grandpa becomes very much excited and shouts, “Fuck you!” swinging more forward again.
Grandma remains graceful but leans forward and says, “Fuck you again.”
This goes on. Finally Grandpa says, “You know something, Grandma, this oral sex thing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
Paula’s Nose Job
Hillary says, “Bill, the press is saying you lent money to that girl for plastic surgery.”
Bill says, “You see how they twist things? What I said was that I blew a wad on her face.”
Mission impossible
yo mama is so fat, when she came back from weight watchers she had a shirt that said MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
Mary Poppins has moved to
Mary Poppins has moved to L.A. where she has opened a fortune-telling stand,
specializing in predicting future bad breath.
The sign outside reads: Super California Mystic – Expert: Halitosis.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
THERE WAS A COUPLE WHO WENT ON A VACATION TO MEXICO. UPON ARRIVING THE MAN REALIZED THAT HE’D FORGOTTEN TO BRING HIS WATCH. SO HE DECIDED TO ASK AN OLD MEXICAN MAN SITTING ON THE SIDE OF A DUSTY ROAD ALONG SIDE HIS DONKEY. HE SAID,”EXCUSE ME SIR, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?” THE OLD MAN GRABBED THE DONKEY’S NUTS AND PICKED THEM UP AND SAID, “IT’S 5:15,SENORE.” THE MAN WAS SHOCKED THAT HE WAS ABLE TO TELL THE TIME BY THIS RATHER ODD METHOD. SO WHILE OUT AND ABOUT THE NEXT DAY, HE SAW THE OLD MAN AGAIN IN THE SAME SPOT. SO HE DECIDED TO ONCE MORE ASK THE OLD MAN THE TIME. ONCE MORE THE OLD MAN GRABBED THE DONKEY’S NUTS AND SAID, ” IT’S 2:47, SENORE.” THE MAN HAVING PURCHASED A NEW WATCH VERIFIED THE TIME. HE WAS PERPLEXED. SO THE FOLLOWING DAY, HE AGAIN SAW THE OLD MAN SITTING IN THE SAME SPOT. HE DECIDED HE WAS GOING TO ASK HIM HOW IT WAS HE KNEW HOW TO TELL TIME, SIMPLY BY GRABBING THE DONKEY’S NUTS. SO HE MARCHED OVER TO THE OLD MEXICAN MAN AND DEMANDED TO KNOW HOW THIS GREAT MAGIC WAS DONE. THE OLD MAN REPLIED, “WELL, YOU SEE SENORE, THERE’S A CLOCK ON THE CHURCH ACROSS THE STREET, AND I LIFT UP THE DONKEY’S NUTS SO I CAN SEE IT.”