Author: admin

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

If it is the Relief Society it take four.
One to fix refreshments.
One to bring the tablecloth.
One to design the Center Piece,
And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Bishopric, forget it,
they don’t do light bulbs.
They call a Priesthood Executive Council
And delegate it to the Elders.

If it is the Elders it takes four.
Three that don’t show up, and
One to change the bulb.

If it is the High Priests it take four.
Two to push the wheel chairs.
One to handle the oxygen tank,
And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two,
But you have to wait until the end of the month.

If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one.
He holds the light bulb in the socket
And the whole world revolves around him.

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or
playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard,
so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, ”Hey, Dave! How ya doing?” His
wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. ”Oh no,” says Dave.
”He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d
like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, ��you
must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.” ”No, honey,
she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.” A stripper comes
over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. ”Hi, Davey,” she says,
”Want your usual table dance?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave
follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps
in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and
says, ”Looks like you picked up a real doozie this time, Dave!”

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts
yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The
driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was
an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.” The kid
goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the
kid, ”What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!” The kid
smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”