Here’s the story: I’m in McDonald’s, I ask for a medium coke. I’m told, “We
don’t have medium.” I say, “Fine, what do you have?” The braniac at the counter
says, “We only have small, large, and supersize.” I give him a stupid look and
say, “Just give me the one in the middle.”
Author: admin
The Easter Bunny
A man was blissfully driving along the highway when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful bunny was dead.The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. ”I feel terrible,” he explained. ”I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”The woman told the man not to worry. She said she knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. Then she walked over to the limp, dead bunny and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the firry little animal. Miraculously, the Easter Bunny came back to life, jumped up, gathered the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.Fifty yards away, the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards. Then he turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards, turned and waved again. The man was astonished. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what could have been in that woman’s spray can. So he asked her: ”What in heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?”The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: ”Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”
Yo mama is so poor
Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
the military had to test out a new helicopter….
the military had to test out a new helicopter. so they asked a whole buch of people, but they all said no. one blonde said that she would do it.
they checked up on her every 100 feet. 100ft all good, 200 feet all good they got all the way up to 700 ft and then there was no answer.
about 1hour later the blonde come through the door all cut up and not looking good. they asked her what happened.
the blobe replies”i got cold so i turned off the big fan.”
If a turtle didn’t have
If a turtle didn’t have a shell, would it be considered homeless?
I’m John The Baptist
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed.
He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, “I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!”
The other guy looks at him and declares, “I did not!”
Deaf
A guy is driving down the street.
A cop pulls him over and says, “Sir, were you aware that your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?”
The guy says, “Oh, thank God! I thought I went deaf.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Theory of the Stork
Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.
Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world’s leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork.
If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.
Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:
1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.
2. The alledged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.
3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.
4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.
5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.
6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.
Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died
Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of 83. Leakey
was buried near her home, where she will rest in peace, until
some nosy anthropologist digs her up.
– Norm MacDonald
The Top 14 Features of the Pentium III Chip
14> Automatically removes copyright notices from humor lists.
13> Minesweeper now runs really, really, *really* fast.
12> Garunteed 100% Mathomaticly Ackurat
11> Far superior to its brothers, Pentium III Mike and Pentium III Ernie.
10> Goes great with Pentium III salsa!
9> Converts your 3-month-old, $2000 computer into a handy boat anchor.
8> In benchmark tests against other chips, it consistently delivered vastly higher prices.
7> First processor to be made entirely out of Havarti cheese and raisins.
6> Now Featuring, “Good ol’ Vulcan Logic”
5> Like all Pentiums, it provides its own fireworks at midnight, January 31, 1999.
4> In anticipation of Y10K, all years are stored as Roman numerals.
3> Secretly monitors the Internet for new porn sites, which are then automatically added to the President’s bookmark file.
2> Runs at a blazing 600 EthelMertz per second!
1> Allows net geeks to go twice as long without human contact.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Whats the difference
Q: whats the difference between your mamma and the local football team
A: your mamma has a higher sperm count
Yo mama’s So Stupid
Yo’ mama so stupid, she went to the police station and said, ”Give me all
your money!”