Q: How does a Martian feel, after he smokes a JOINT?
A: “Spaced Out”!!!!!!!! (Or way far out)
Author: admin
In between
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
yo mama
yo mama is so stupid she invented a solar powered flashlight
Una se�ora que quiere suicidarse
Una se�ora que quiere suicidarse llama por tel�fono a su m�dico para preguntarle d�nde se encuentra el coraz�n. El galeno le explica que el coraz�n se ubica dos dedos debajo de la teta izquierda.
Una hora m�s tarde, la ambulancia recoge a la dama en su casa con un balazo en la rodilla.
Billy Bobs New Job
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector asked, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”Billy Bob replied, “I would switch the points for one of the trains.””What if the lever broke?” asked the inspector.”Then I’d dash down out of the signal box,” said Billy Bob, “and I’d use the manual lever over there.””What if that had been struck by lightning?””Then,” Billy Bob continued, “I’d run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.””What if the phone was busy?””Well in that case,” persevered Billy Bob, “I’d rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.””What if that was vandalized?””Oh, well then I’d run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.”This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”Billy Bob answered, “Well, Uncle Lester ain’t never seen a train wreck!”
Butte Bear
A bear walks into a bar in Butte, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Butte,”The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bar bears in Butte,”The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Butte,”The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Butte that are on drugs!”The bear says, “I’m not on drugs!”The bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.”
Many rivers to cros
Q: Why did the dollar bill cross the river?
A: He wanted to switch banks.
Regularity
Woman: I have a problem. Doctor: Well, are you regular? Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30. Doctor: So, what’s the problem? Woman: I don’t get up untill 9:30.
Q: How many Capricorns
Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: I don’t waste my time with these childish jokes.
You Killed the Easter Bunny!
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved again. Then he hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in Heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?”
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said, “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”
If at first you don’t
If at first you don’t succeed, try something else.
Avoiding the Draft
Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base.
The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent where a nun was seated on a
round bench beneath a tree quietly reading a book. He said to her “quick sister,
please hide me I don’t want to be Drafted and the MP’s are chasing me!” She
lifted up her skirts and said hide under my skirt.
The two policemen came By and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied “no”.
After they left she told the young boy to come out all was OK He said you
have a nice set of legs for a nun! She replied if you reach up a little farther
you’ll find a set of balls! I’m not going to be drafted either!