- Murphy’s Laws of Combat Operations
- Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
Author: admin
Captains Red Shirt
Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. “Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!”The captain then called for his first mate and said, “First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, “Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!” Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, “First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.During the celebration the first-mate asked, “Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?””The answer is simple. That way, if I’m injured, the crew won’t know and they won’t lose hope.”Just then the lookout burst through the door, “Captain, ten ships closing fast!””First mate, bring me my brown pants!”
3 Roosters
There were three Roosters… a straight rooster, a retarded rooster and a gay rooster.
The straight rooster says cockeldoodeldoo.
The retarded rooster says doodledoodlecock, and the gay rooster says anycockeldoo!
Middle of the road
What’s the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead black dude in the middle of the road?
The dog has skid marks in front of it.
Who is Marylou?!?
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name ‘Marylou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “You had better have an explanation.””Calm down, honey,” the man replied. “Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on.”‘The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.”What was that for?” he complained.”Your dog called last night.”
Yo mama so fat…
Yo mama so fat that she has more chins than a chinese phone book
You have to hit the
You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
Iron Phone
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.”The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron.””What about the other one?””They called back.”
You have sworn on your
You have sworn on your mother’s grave while she is standing beside you.You refer to your cousin as “my girlfriend”.You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.
A Chief Samurai
Back in the olden days when Samurai were important, there was a powerful Japanese Emperor who needed a new Chief Samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world of that time that he was searching for a CHIEF Samurai. A year passed, but only 3 people applied for the very demanding position;
1. a Japanese Samurai
2. a Chinese Samurai
3. a Jewish Samurai
The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground.
The emperor exclaimed “That is very impressive!”
The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese Samurai, to come in and demonstrate why
he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a match box and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! And the fly dropped dead on the ground in four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed: “That is VERY impressive!”
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish Samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the Chief Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said: “Very ambitious!, but why is that gnat not dead?”
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said: “Circumcision is not meant to kill.”
The highlight of your parties
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
Get the Toilet Paper
Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when a seagull
dumps a load on one of the blondes. The brunette says, “I’ll go and get
some toilet paper.” When she left, one blonde turns to the other blonde
and says “Boy, is she ever stupid. By the time she gets back, that seagull
will be miles away.”